Yaxley- The Village Of *****

East Anglia

Near the **** Capital of Peterborough lurks a village I am ashamed to say I have to LIVE in. Population split- *****- BILLIONS People- 6 tops.


Standing for the bus the ***** and their ******* or “*********” discuss their fellow **** mates’ new trainers with keen interest describing them as “BEAST” and “Well smart” sadly not realising that a Beast would eat them and therefore not a good thing to wear on your foot and that smart would infer containing brain cells… something neither the shiny white reebok air watsits they’ve stolen out of the back of a lorry nor them have.

The local schools have high pass rates in teenage pregnancy and low pass rates in exams with this in mind is it any wonder that the children of Yaxley (with only the ***** for role models) at 10 can describe in detail the meaning of the withdrawel method and the best way to use your tongue during a ******** but if you ask them how to spell their name they have to get out their Nokia 3310 (got it 3 years after the rest of the world) in its burberry switch on cover and call their **** mother (who’s about 16) and ask how to spell “Christina-Beyonce-chocolate-moose” or whatever they’re called.
The guys carry blue plastic cricket bats because they want to look threatening but their weak arms cant hold wooden ones and besides their dole money wont stretch that far after they’ve bought their cheap Argos Jewellary and fresh nappies for their 3 different kids with 3 different mothers oh and their priceless Mayfair **** thats right MUST be Mayfair and they MUST be bought from the Yaxley Rainbow where they all work and illegally reduce a pack of 40 to 8p.

The fave hang out for our young twats with the socks to match (with their trousers tucked into them as only a true **** would) is the Rec or the Wreck as since the leader of the biggest Yaxley **** group moved in on it (everyone who is nonchav called him CHAMEISTER and thinking we were being nice adopted it as his name yes he is indeed stupid but if you dress like that I guess it goes without saying…) The place is a complete tip with any amount of cheap tacky broken chain, dirty nappies, broken pushchairs, *** packets, lost socks, needles and graffitti (basically a big field thats been inhabited by ***** so long even new aged travellers with machine guns would be scared to park there.)

The future of Yaxley has arrived and its dressed in shellsuits, stinks of **** and has a burberry cap poised at such an angle its almost pointless. In other words…. THIS VILLAGE IS DONE FOR


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