Wood Farm Estate, Oxford: is Horrible – Don’t go There

The whole place is a tip. There are no two ways about it. The shops are run down and are full of shopkeepers who don’t even appear the slightest bit interested in you. When I went into the Co-Op, the guy behind the desk was on ‘RateMyTurban.com’ for a good 20 seconds, before he noticed that I was about to buy a bottle of Fanta. He continued ‘aye don’t worry about putting it in the bin mate, ‘cos the grounds already covered in junk’; litter picking is the only source of income for the locals’. As I left the shop I was dismayed by the lack of fruit and vegetables. The area which should have been full of fresh produce had been filled to brim with Marlborough cigarettes and Value Vodka

As I pushed open the door to exit I was cut off by a young man, a ****, who was carrying a fake iPhone and smoking weed. He starred at me and let me through on the condition that I would vote BNP in all future elections and would personally donate 20% of my income to Tommy Robinson.

The highlight (or more likely lowlight) is the infamous Foresters Tower. When I walked past there were at least five fridges and a couple of toilets in the grounds, presumably thrown from the upper floor windows. I also heard a argument. ‘OY PUT JEREMY KYLE BACK ON, I DON’T WANNA WATCH BARGAIN HUNT, IT’S TORYIST TWODDLE AND ANTI-INTELLECTUAL; I DON’T WANT ME KIDS TO BE EXPOSED TO DAT RUBBISH!’ The paint on the outside off the building is peeling and the windows are all rusty. It is in dire need of refurbishment or demolition.

The central area is quite nice. The trees bring some real beauty to the area and you can hear birdsong……………………………..above the squeal of car tires and the shouts of couples arguing about whether they want to go to Bognor Regis or Clacton-on-Sea for their annual holiday. There is also a basketball pitch, though it is not really a basketball pitch, since the basketball hoop was melted down in a riot, nor is it really a pitch since the tarmac is all overgrown and filled with *** butts

It is also good to see that Thames Valley Police have installed a mobile police unit to improve efficiency. It was pointless even dispatching a unit from Central Oxford since when they’d left the area, they’d be called out again within a matter of minutes anyway.

I was unsurprised to learn that Storm Dorris had caused some major damage. Roofs were torn off and car windscreens were smashed. Many front doors had also be blown in. However most residents did not feel it worth the time and effort to do any repairs on their front door, since their houses got broken into so much, they might as well make their houses open access.

The local school is very driven towards helping kids achieve their best. They put on career days and help kids understand the working world. Recently they got a Anil from Fish ‘n’ Chips R Us to describe the process involved when deep-frying, whilst Derek a local drug baron gave an insight into the economics of the drug trade.

My highlight of the day though was finding a large abandoned cardboard box, as I had been due to sell my old computer on eBay and needing something to send it off in. Before I picked it up though, I was greeted by an angry shout: ‘oy that’s where I live; I worked long at hard at McDonalds to buy that. I’ve got a mortgage on that ‘n all!’ In the cardboard box I found a tin of Homepride English ‘Curry’, and a copy of the Daily Mail. ‘I ‘ave to use those items as barter to buy running water with.

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