Wonderful Woodside

ShropshireWest Midlands

As one of the few residents of Woodside that isn’t a ****, I felt I must comment on the wonderful town I live in. I mean, there are few places left now where gangs of ‘Hoodies’ or ‘****’s’ are the minority group. Do they realise how pathetic they look?! I mean, all that Burberry… How do the DoleMoles afford it? Or is that just the point? They afford it coz hard working members of the public pay for it for them?

I have the misfortune to find myself living in this **** centre. Why, I hear you ask… Well, a) it’s where my landlord decided to buy a house and b) I didn’t have much choice after I found out I was pregnant. I could hardly stay at home with my mother and sister. My house happens to reside by one of the plentiful alleyways in Woodside and I frequently (at all hours of the day and night) find myself in my son’s room listening to foul language and abusive behaviour. One of these days I might just snap and tell them to move on and away from my doorstep. They play football at all hours in all weathers outside my front door. They push and shove each other and have managed to unhinge my garage door… I even saw a small child sitting by one of their various bottles of alcohol of which a straw was sticking out.

The old flats were pulled down. Fair enough. The whole area is having a transformation (the ‘regeneration’), however unless they remove all the ****’s that were relocated from said flats then the problem remains.

I was walking through the Westbourne estate earlier and was noting how nice the resurfaced roads and new garages looked… Until I noticed that it had already begun. A tree had been pulled up from it’s new location, a garage had graffiti on it. I lose count of the amount of time I have driven past the phone box and seen the glass shattered on the floor. The company should cut their loses and forget about putting new glass in it coz it appears within 5 mins of it being replaced, it’s shattered and all over the road again.

The shops in Warrensway are also horrendous. The staff seem friendly enough but with the windows covered and the guards down covered with graffiti and the ****’s congregating outside, it’s hardly a welcoming atmosphere.

And that’s all Woodside is – a playground for ****’s and their demon offspring. Out in all weathers with hardly a stitch on and rarely seen without a cigarette, spliff or bottle of Cider (they can’t afford proper alcohol) in their hands. The ****’s certainly run this town. The recent arson attacks and attacks on firemen reported in today’s paper prove that.

Before I moved here, I was very aware of the stigma attached to saying you’re from Woodside. It seems the majority of people look down on you when you tell them where you’re from. However, Royal Mail helps this problem as hardly any of our mail has Woodside written on it. It’s just W______, Telford.

What we need is a fire engine, some cider and some shiny ‘bling’ and I know just the way to lead them all to the river Severn and hope they jump in like Lemmings. The Pied Piper has nothing on me.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020