BerkshireSouth East

After having read some of the other entries on this site Wokingham doesn’t yet have epidemic levels of **** infiltration. However, slowly but surely this sub-human filth is making its presence felt. This has been confirmed by the recently opened Argos. Below I have written a few brief stories about my **** encounters.

Toilet Etiquette
Twice now I have seen the female of the species taking a piss in full view. The therapy is ongoing! Now everyone has had to do it at some time or another but normally you find the quietest place possible. Not chavettes. On the first occasion a ******** had managed to straddle a bin outside Appleby’s (a local **** bistro). This wasn’t so bad as there were 3 of us so we could just laugh at the creature. However the second time I wasn’t so lucky. After braving a night out, and with little **** contact, I was walking home on my own only to be confronted by the sight of an ogre squatting in the middle of the Market Place. Not at one of the sides but right in the middle. Well to be honest I heard it first and it sounded like an Indian elephant giving birth. Needless to say I was met with shouts of ‘Stop lookin’ yer dirtee cant’. Don’t ask me why I had to look. Car crash mentality I guess!

Interacting with the ****
One time I had the pleasure of having a conversation with a ****. After managing to overcome the initial problems, he threatened to smack me in the face because he thought I was following him, Hmm! I actually managed to calm the scrote down by insisting we must live near each other and that’s why we were walking in the same direction. To keep it less volatile and it’s brain amused/confused by something other than ‘smacking me face in’ I then attempted to spark up a conversation about where he’d been for the night, it ended up telling me how his dad was going to kick seven shades of **** out of him when he got in for reasons I can’t/don’t want to remember. The little sh*t didn’t really have much of a chance. We parted company when we came to my house. I must admit I was a bit wary of it knowing where I lived, this was confirmed as when I went to walk into my house it said “Oh yer live there then. You’ve got a dog aint ya. Yeah we don’t go near that ‘ouse now.”

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