wigton, cumbria

Wigton is, upon first sight, a wonderful west cumbrian town, full of old Georgian buildings, no traffic, a wonderful place to live. wrong. west cumbria has a huge amount of *****, and wigton is no exception. my theory is, when UCB films opened that big factory, the funny smell (locally known as the wigton stench) altered their DNA, resulting in the horrors that followed.†

The car of the Wigtonian is the nova 1.2 injection, with stolen alloy wheels and enough lights to ensure the car can easily be seen from a mile away. what does the average wigton **** do? well not a lot. under 18’s had a curfew put on them due to their horrific behaviour, drinking, fighting, trashing and burning whatever they could find.

After they leave the hopelessly inept school, a job at UCB or Kwik save pays the bills, or at least for the smack. nobody leaves wigton, and to put it nicely it has a “very small gene pool”

How grim is your Postcode?

Even worse for the tourist, if your not a ****, your not local. if your not local, you ARENT welcome. dont go in any pubs, you’ll get assaulted by the burbery clad mob and people wearing lots of knock off clothing.

There is one nice thing in Qigton, a big fountain. When they moved it apparently some priest or pagan or something put a curse on the Wigton children and about 5 have died in tragic accidents involving their cars. That doesn’t sound like many, but Wigton probably has a population of 2000.

The hang out for the ***** is the AMAZING number of alleys in wigton. you can easily be lost in these, dont enter after dark, because they hide from the curfew here. other hangouts include the bus stop, outside the spar and outside some awful cafe called the spotted cow (this lot are known as the spotted cow crew). the shops are mostly non existent and ****, don’t ever be conned into going to Wigton, you’ll either end up in carlisle A&E or you’ll have everything you own stollen by a gang of 13 year olds. i nearly got beaten up for asking for directions.

† This is not true, UCB Films to not pollute the local environment. Even though on the greenwashing page on their website, they do not consider any waste products produced making their lovely environmentally sound films. http://www.innoviafilms.com/bopp-film-packaging-film-environmental.aspx

– iLiveHere Admin

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