Ahhhh, the merry town of Widnes, an unflushed toilet of a place somewhere between ****-capitals Warrington and Liverpool.
Widnes is slowly but surely being overrun by this new, mutated breed. I don’t know about Chatham, but the origin of the **** in Widnes is either from the unclean, smelly depths of the polluted Mersey, or from the shadows of the delightful power-station that blots the landscape of our town.
Although Widnes has its fair share of normal, ‘cool’ people, there are some sad individuals about also. The breeding grounds/hang-out places of this common **** include Ditton, Hough Green, the infamous ‘Aves’, and ‘downtown’ (ie. the chippy and the Derby).
Another breeding ground-***-hangout is Victoria Park. Although the park is mainly full of normal people like you and I, people who either like rock, metal, indie or emo, there are a small minority of ***** who think they can look ‘hard’ by ******* about around a bunch of ‘goffs’, and generally causing trouble by shooting venomous looks to whoever they can. A funny anecdote of mine is hearing about a ******** who drank a bottle of piss (unknowingly) at the local pub, and was so drunk she didn’t even know what it was, then a couple of days later me and my friend saw her, and she preceded in giving US the dirtiest look her ‘bulldog chewing a wasp’ face could. Nice.
Ditton seems the most popular **** hangout, ‘Queen’s Av’ in particular being the most rundown, graffitti covered litter-sewn place imaginable, where the **** get-up is Lacoste trackies tucked into argyle socks. These groups of ***** occupy themselves with bottling other ***** and members of the unsuspecting public, and trying to shag as many ********* as possible in the lone phone booth outside the shops.
I have had some experience of ******* around ***** in Widnes, and seeing how they function. I have to say their music tastes are abominable. The ‘dance anthems’ that come out of their stereos are nothing more than pointless noise, computer generated beats that can only be described further as…complete and utter *****. And I myself have been subject to many a verbally abusive ****, what with insults like ‘goff the time???’ and ‘’ey goff getta wash’, as this is about the only level of insult their tiny, full of pigshit brains can manage, as they do not even know what a proper goth is. Widnes wouldn’t be a bad place to live if we didn’t have these intimidating arses roaming the streets. Finally I would suggest to anyone moving to Widnes, or who lives there already, either leave or move to Cronton, which is the only nice, semi-rural, semi-**** free place around Widnes these days.
Birkenhead: the roid ridden a***hole of merseyside
Liverpool: A sort of Purgatory for Individuality
Crewe, you’d be commiserated if people think you live there
Stalybridge, sweet innocent kids turned into right little bastards
Kazakhstan to Crewe – no thank you!
Sale, Cheshire, a black hole of misery and despair
Congleton, every silver lining has a cloud
Warrington: a town that will not be gentrified for a long time
Smacklesfield… I mean Macclesfield