Written by Anonymous. Posted in South West

Just had to make everyone aware of the chav spotting oppurtunities available in my home town of Weymouth. If not for the sheer numbers then simply for the variety of the species. They are all here, from the old school townie right upto the modern day chavlets. Here are just some of the most common types and where they can be found.

Rossa/Boy Racer:- An amazingly colourful and shiny breed of chav that gather in flocks in Matalan car park. They can normally be found in their tart mobiles, parked in a circle cars facing out, with happy hardcore blasting out at a ridiculous rate of decibels. Scientists are not sure but they beleive this to be part of their mating ritual, more investigations need to be done. Other proven mating acts are wheel-spinning, hand-brake turns and “doughnutting”. Once this spectacular show of testosterone has finished its round the sea front fifty times. The more erratic and dangerous the driving the more the female of the species – Chavettes/Kappa Slappas – take notice.

Old School Townie/ OC- Original Chavster:- Although harder to spot, because numbers are dwindling, the OC can still be found in certain areas, its a case of knowing where to look. They tend to hang around in small groups of three or four, normally outside civic or public buildings ie
The Jobcentre:- Obviously they are not looking for a job, more likley signing on for their “jigger”. They could also be pleading for a crisis loan to buy crack.
The Courts:- This is where you will find the OC at his smartest ie sports top with the least blim/draw burns in it and their whitest trainers.
The Doctors:- No your right there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Three possible reasons they could be here (i) to collect a repeat presription of anti-depressants,tranqs etc. to sell back on the estate. (ii) to get a long term sicknote so as to claim there benefits. (iii) finally and probably the most likely to get their methodone allowance.

Chavs & Chavlets:- Although a old term, with the advent of sites like this it has took on new meaning. Normally aged between 12 – 18 they can be found “hangin out” in any large open public place. They congrugate in large numbers intimidating or show-boating to anyone who will take interest. A few “choice” places are McDonalds in the High Street, Debenhams or scattered along The Esplanade. They leave in their wake countless bottles of white lightening and Embassy No 1 ciggarette butts.
Recently I was having a quiet afternoon drink outside my favourite drinking establishment, enjoying the last of the sun. Then all of a sudden it went dark, I thought at first it was an eclipse but on a closer look the shadow had been created by a large group of chavs walking down the street. The reason was that their caps were at such a ridiculous angle that they had totally blocked the sun. It was also brought to my attention the deffinite hierarchy that runs through a pack of chavs. If you watch you will notice how a couple of chavlets will walk on slightly ahead, probably acting as scouts spotting out for any goths to throw stones at or anything worth stealing. In the centre will be the ones wearing burberry with other obviously lesser chavs protecting the outside. This observation itself just shows how little we really know about the natural behaviour of the chav. How complex is their society,even with limited intelligence? Maybe we have underestimated them?

Chavettes/Kappa Slappas:- This is my final entry and its going to be alot shorter. What can you say about the chav girl that is not already in the public sector? First off, she can be found in any of the above places eagerly folowing around her latest chav conquest, of which there is many, probably in the same day. The standard scraped back hair and enormous ear rings seem to be worn as a uniform, the only way to tell a chav’s sex in alot of cases. If they reach the age of 15 and have not proved they are of breeding age then that normally means they have been left on the shelf. The only thing they can hope for is a life giving blow jobs for crack/cider/cigs in the local bus shelter.

Well that is it hope I have opened your eyes to the potential fun to be had in Weymouth. I am thinking of setting up a package tour, holiday business, doing trips all over Britain. CHAV TOURS has got a lovely ring to it don’t you think?

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