A small “finger” of land that juts out on one side from Essex. Sea water on oneside and marshes,or s**t bogs on the other side. Overloaded with white caravans in the summer, and leftover chavs that feel they are too good to be seen in neighbouring Clacton or God-Forbid Harwich! (they may have two children with the same name in a family but chavs in Walton aren’t as incestous as those in Harwich at least they don’t admit sleeping with their brother when pissed!) Apparantly the reason behind the man shouting “Alfie, Alfie come here you little c###ts!!” to his two kids, ouside the co-op. Is because he has bird who is 10 years younger than him but sounds like she is 40 (10 years older than him) “its her fat kid, see” I overheard the kid behind the jump in the ‘bathouse’ say to another man who looked like he’d been there a week. The man sitting down had a tattoo sretching down his arm with a girls face and Amy etched in in faded ink underneath it, I wondered if “Amy” was his younger bird too! Until Amy rushed in from the hut on the beach where she’d been smoking with her 13 year old mates. See they can smoke and drink and have under age sex there because at night it faces the sea, no roads, the feds don’t go past in cars there and you can’t see in from the road the otherside. Amy turns out to be his daughter, she had so much black eyeliner on and cheap foundation, she too sounded like she was 40.
Anyway the barman continued, “so the younger but fatter one is his step-kid! so to speak although nicknamed “Lord of the rings” cos he likes getting engaged, he wont marry her, her father won’t pay for the wedding, and with all the kids in their burberry outfits it would prove to cost too much. His ex was a nice girl but she worked to hard and didn’t know much about beauty and manicures so he started seeing this one but forgot to tell the last one. She has since dissappeared aint been seen since, although her skirt has been seen on the bathouse meadow a few weeks ago, though we’re waiting for the headlines.”
I left at this point enough was enough, my date didn’t show up either but I was glad, don’t wanna go near this place again, let alone start seeing someone from here.