Totton/Calmore – Wannabe C***s

HampshireSouth East

Totton is a small village best known for its wednesday market (enough said already?) and now sadly its C**v population.
For those who dont know Totton is the inbetween point from southampton to fawley, so is confused about what its supposed to be – a village or a town so its over compensated to be both.
C***s roam the “High Street” on bmx bikes or in gangs of at least six, their hands down their trousers (no amount of pulling is gonna make it bigger luv).
Stores such as B-Wise and BodyTalk sell cheap C**v clothing – including favourites such as the poncho and burberry anything. Other C**v favourites are Argos – a must stop place for the C**v redecorator.
C**v piss-up haunts are the Cross Keys or the Red Lion especially if its Karaoke night – perfect chance to belt out some C**v greatest hits such as JoJo or C**v idol Christina Aguilera.
Or if you are even a little more down market than that The Players is there for you. Central to west totton and not too far from Calmore its a local for alcy’s and under-agers alike.
Sights to see in calmore are herds of Burberry clad 12 year olds hanging out by the front door to the local corner shop. Council houses line the roads and single mothers pushing prams are two a penny.
Not as advanced as its C**v predecessors but Totton is slowly catching up and may even be soon the Chaviest place in Britain.


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