Tonyrefail sits like a lurking rapist on the outskirts of the Rhondda valley, which itself is about as useful to the world as the soles of Steven Hawkings feet.
Tonyrefail once had a housing estate called Springfield, but it had such a high **** *********** and problems with burglary, drugs and general **** bread and butter behaviour, the powers that be at Rhondda Cynon Taff borough council ordered it completely leveled and re-housed them all over the borough so they could spread there rancid **** disease’s and dogma on other poor unsuspecting sods.
What they should of done is to of built a big wall round the place and just dump **** families in there where the only harm they could do would be to themselves and there other like minded crotch scratching breed.
It could also become a tourist attraction! “Come to Ton and see the ****”; Tourists could pay to stand on the walls and shoot one pound coins at the ***** from a police plastic bullet gun and watch them wreathe in pain on the floor whilst there fellow **** have a fight over the coin. Brilliant, the kids will love it.
Anyway, because your in the middle of knowhere you will have to come to terms with the fact that in this part of Wales they don’t have pubs, they have workingman clubs and you have to be affiliated to get in. Tonyrefail actually does have one pub though, the Boars Head, which was an un-pleasant place. It has a beer garden facing the main square outside of which 14-year-old ********* **** the **** out of each other over who got felt up by their **** boyfriend who sits with his monkey pack and shouts encouragement from the beer garden whilst downing a pints of Stella.
Well there are many working men’s clubs that your **** character can frequent. The Non-political, labour, RAF, Rugby, Constitutional (men only bar!), miners and others which I really cant be bothered to remember. All are poorly attended drinking holes and are, like Tonyrefail itself, slowly dying a twisting searing gas pain torturous death. The clubs are only kept going by drug taking ***** who shoot up in their bogs and loose all bowel control in the bar in front of red-faced OAP committee men in their club blazers. These men sit night after night in the same seats, as they have done for the past 35 years with the only thing to look forward to is an empty house and a moment’s release over a 20-year-old gummy picture of Raquel Welsh.
Other **** attractions are the main park (welfare), in which ***** congregate on park benches, whilst they get upto their usual **** shenanigans.
Ton also boasts a predictably ****** bowling alley, where up the side of which half the teenage pregnancies in the past 10 years have no doubt been conceived.
It also has a ‘leisure’ centre which SPEWS **** ******* like a sodding **** production factory in which the worker who makes the most ***** gets to **** Kylie Minouge morning noon and bloody night.
I think the main attraction for me is the road going down from the town square towards the direction of Cardiff, only because it leads to the M4 and getting out of the area.
I could go on but to be honest with you it would be doing the place a justice, which it doesn’t deserve. So there you are, Tonyrefail, and if I ever end up back there you’ll know I REALLY fucked up. Then again, I live in Woking so Ive gone terribly wrong somewhere.

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