Typical Friday night in Tewkesbury Town,
The night starts at around seven o’clock when the ********* have greased back their hair as tight as possible, put on their huge gold looped earings and have told mum to tuck their kids into bed. Their male counterparts put on their best clay coloured rockports, fake bling and made sure that they have got their weeks wages (stolen obviously) in their pocket’s for a trip down the ‘Wine Rack’.
Once in Tewkesbury the ‘****’ gathering starts to emerge. Come seven thirty it’s time for a trip to ‘Wine Rack’. Usually a group of 3 ****’s wonder aimlessly in, (with the combined age of 35) pick’s out a big 2litre bottle of White Lightening each, they all walk up to the counter, no questions asked usually-but sometimes the odd member of staff arises with the question how old are you? In which case the ****’s walk out and get their 25 year old mum to buy it for them. Now the ****’s have their booze they get ready to make their way down to ‘Burger Star’ and ‘One Stop’, once there, they parade the curbs tormenting passers by with foul language and try to persude them to buy ***’s for them! By nine o’clock they are as ****’s would describe as ‘wrecked’, the ********* see how many boy’s they can pull before ‘Burger Star’ closes, and the lads see how many people they can **** up and how much private property they can vandalise, before the police move them along to Cascades car park!
Tewkesbury is one of many towns being over run with **** ****** so when you see a **** that thinks he’s ‘ard’ walkin down the street smack him one for everyone that hate’s ****’S!!!!
Tewkesbury, AKA Chavsville. The **** may have originated in cheltenham, the town next door, but Tewkesbury is a breeding place for them. A day cant go by where I either get chants of STINKIN GREEBO!! or a group of ***** start on me. Personally i think they’re pathetic! To spot a **** in tewkesbury look for the fake gold, big “bling” jewlery, brand names such as Nike and Adidas, the words “innit” and “mush”, hair that never seems to grow longer than freshly cut grass, the inability to grow over 5ft tall and a strong smell of ****.
Places to avoid in tewkesbury are: Northway Park, Northway CO-OP, Northway Chip shop and generally anywhere in northway. If you do not wish to see any ***** during your stay in tewkesbury, do not go past the abbey church into Priors park as you are almost certain to smell **** and hear faint cries of “yea, innit mush”. During the day you should be quite safe in tewkesbury town, but when the sun goes down avoid it altoghether, especcially the areas of one-stop and Burger star as ***** from all around the town will gather to try and bully passers by into buting **** and booze for them. Combined Jewlery Value of all the 50ish ***** there: £5.99. How One-stop and Burger star do trade there on a friday night i’ll never know!
However, despite all the ***** in big groups, you should never be afraid of a single ****, their all talk if their on their own. A group of ***** is something to be afraid of, but many a time ive seen a singular **** walking down a street and not even look at me, sometimes even try to avoid me, later i see the same **** coming down the street with a bunch of mates. This time he decides to start on me because im a “Greebo”, i just laughed in his face, looked down at him (he was only about 5″2′) and said “Wern’t so keen to start on me 10 minites ago were you?” he just gave me a disgruntled look and walked off before his mates started asking questions.
Overall avoid tewkesbury, the only place worse than this, is cheltenham, an thats where they came from!
How grim is your Postcode?