Let’s dissect Telford to find out why it’s the Numero Uno Chav capital of the World!
I moved to Telford several years ago to escape the disproportionate prices of housing in Bridgnorth, which in itself is showing very worrying signs of chav infiltration… but I digress.
What is it about Telford that makes it such a filthy chav breeding pit? Consider the following:
- It’s a “New Town”. It was built with one specific purpose – to relieve the overcrowded slums of the West Midlands and Manchester of the modern Chav’s ancestors (Chavcestors).
- They built a dual carriageway right through the centre – a perfect drag strip for thrashing the arse off a 1.2 Nova with a phat boy exhaust and UV shite lights on the underside. It also boasts extensive grass verges, which make an ideal dumping ground for clapped out untaxed Cavaliers.
- Telford Development Corporation built thousands of shoe box “houses” to accommodate the Chavcestors, complete with dark alleyways, underpasses, etc. Like rats, the population interbred furiously, producing the mutant Telford Chav that is rife today.
- Richie Woodall, Chav Idol, is from Telford. It’s like Chav Mecca on that count alone.
- Telford has two massive Asda, or Chavda, stores within 3 miles of each other. Chav Magnet x 2.
- Before building any decent social infrastructure they built an ice rink and a bowling alley (“Chav Alley”). Enough said.
- It has a perfect symbiosis between rich, powerful Japanese, Korean and Taiwanese firms, who set up base here years ago, and a cheap, expendable labour force. Career expectations are therefore set low and remain that way.
So there you have it – the UK’s only purpose-built Chav town!