I come from the sunny town of Tavistock (known as Tavi by the locals) in Devon having read lots of the posts on this site I have come to the conclusion that my hometown is truly unique, and I shall tell you why.
A few years ago we had a major C**v population (then known as Townies) there were hundreds of the buggers, you did not need to go far to find the signs – used condoms, burned out cars, abandoned bottles of white cider you know, that kind of thing.
They hung around the Meadows all night they haunted the Crown (Tavistocks own rather poor version of a night club I shall come back to this later) on the weekends they loitered in car parks and used Dartmoor as a place to breed and dispose of McDonalds packaging, hung around the bus station all day and preyed on the elderly
And then another subculture arose and challenged the C**v dominance, suddenly people wearing hoodies with Korn written on them started hanging around the same places and acting pretty much the same way except listening to Rock music.
What followed was little short of gang warfare. Each side professing to hate the other, even though they did exactly the same things but wore different clothes this seemed to be enough to make them mortal enemies.
The Meadows became a battleground every night dozens of people meeting up to determine which was the righteous path that of the baseball cap or the way of the hoodie. On several occasions more than 100 people were involved in these confrontation. This went on for quite some time I don’t know what happened in the end but both subcultures disappeared overnight I can only assume the beat some sense into each other. So no longer does the night of Tavistock ring with the sound of Novas you can walk through the meadows and get to the other side with all of your teeth and your phone. Hell you can even make remarks about how crap the Crown is without getting assaulted by a Burrbury Buffoon.
The surrounding area though has got its fair share of s**m and for the most part they keep away from Tavistock favouring the bright lights of Plymouth (A place so Chavie there is a good augment for Napalm bombing it)
The one remaining bastion of C**v culture in Tavistock is the Crown A place I am told that in a pole of clubs throughout Europe came second bottom it is that bad.
For some reason when people go to the Crown all traces of intelligence and humanity are removed from the patrons the dance floor (if indeed you can call it that) is small and covered with broken class I know many many people who have been injured by this. There is no air circulation and condensation created buy hundreds of sweating people drips from the ceiling the DJ is one of the most talent free I have ever had the misfortune to come across and the toilets are awash with stale urine.
But all of this pales into insignificance when you consider the people, they spend the evening hitting one another throwing bottles at the walls vomiting in the corner and trying to pull 14 year old girls wearing jeans which are 4 sizes to small for them. Fairly typical stuff but my favourite thing about the Crown is some graffiti which adorns one of the outside walls which simply reads “Tavi Boyz Waz Ere” what a remarkable testament to the ingenuity of the Tavistock C**v community that they feel the need to let every one know that they have travelled all the way from Tavistock to Tavistock I think you will agree that it is a breath taking achievement for a culture which has yet to master the art of coherent speech.
Still it’s a thousand times better than is used to be. Which proves that it is possible to cleanse the world of this plague without the use of fire or concentration camps, all you do is introduce an identical subculture that wear different clothes and they will wipe each other out problem sorted jobs a good one.
Although fire may be rather more fun.