Tavistock (leading the way in the fight)

DevonSatireSouth West

I come from the sunny town of Tavistock (known as Tavi by the locals) in Devon having read lots of the posts on this site I have come to the conclusion that my hometown is truly unique, and I shall tell you why.

A few years ago we had a lot of ner-do-wells come to the town. You did not need to go far to find the signs – used condoms, burned out cars, abandoned bottles of white cider you know, that kind of thing. They **** around the Meadows all night they haunted the Crown (Tavistocks own rather poor version of a night club I shall come back to this later) on the weekends they loitered in car parks and used Dartmoor as a place to breed and dispose of McDonalds packaging, **** around the bus station all day and preyed on the elderly. Then another subculture arose and challenged their dominance, suddenly people wearing hoodies with Korn written on them started ******* around the same places and acting pretty much the same way except listening to Rock music.

What followed was little short of gang warfare. Each side professing to hate the other, even though they did exactly the same things but wore different clothes this seemed to be enough to make them mortal enemies.

The Meadows became a battleground every night dozens of people meeting up to determine which was the righteous path that of the baseball cap or the way of the hoodie. On several occasions more than 100 people were involved in these confrontation. This went on for quite some time I don’t know what happened in the end but both subcultures disappeared overnight I can only assume the **** some sense into each other. So no longer does the night of Tavistock ring with the sound of Novas you can walk through the meadows and get to the other side with all of your teeth and your phone. Hell you can even make remarks about how bad the Crown is without getting assaulted by a Burrbury Buffoon.

The one remaining bastion of culture in Tavistock is the Crown. A place I am told that in a poll of clubs throughout Europe came second bottom it is that bad.

For some reason when people go to the Crown all traces of intelligence and humanity are removed from the patrons the dance floor (if indeed you can call it that) is small and covered with broken class I know many many people who have been injured by this. There is no air circulation and condensation created buy hundreds of sweating people drips from the ceiling the DJ is one of the most talent free I have ever had the misfortune to come across and the toilets are awash with stale urine.

Still it’s a thousand times better than is used to be.

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