Trowbridge – An Unpolished Turdtown

Living in Trowbridge, Wiltshire

Trowbridge – a town so bad that it led Hugh Cornwall (of Stranglers fame) to pen a song called “please don’t put me on a slow boat to Trowbridge.” Trowbridge – a town so unfortunately cruddy, it was used as the inspiration for the town of ‘Ratbridge’ in the series of children’s books, ’Here Be […]

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Abingdon or more accurately, “ScAbingdon”

Living in Abingdon, Oxfordshire

Abingdon, oh Abingdon. One of the oldest inhabited towns in England is now one of the newest blights on civilised society. A Brexit-voting hinterland of Greek barbers who will willingly set your ear hair on fire for a tenner, punctuated by coffee shops that sell warm ***** and a historic centre that is a minefield […]

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Salisbury: I spy with my 3rd eye

Living in Salisbury, Wiltshire

I have lived in Salisbury on and off for the last 12 years now and it becomes more and more backwards as the years roll on. Im originally from oop north and it still sends the ******* into a frenzy when they here your accent considering its a massive army town. It’s groundhog day, Royston […]

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Didcot – a railway siding dressed up as a portal to real, actual hell

Living in Didcot, Oxfordshire

Didcot has a rich heritage revolving around railways and the golden age of steam. Sadly though, Didcot does not immediately evoke happy memories of trundling along the traintracks as your engine gathers pace. Instead it’s a foul excrescence of a town that seems trapped in a time-bubble that began on the 31st of December 1969 […]

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Leigh: A Hive of Villainy in Lesser Manchester

Living in Leigh, Greater Manchester

I moved to Leigh by accident about 18 months ago after my husband and I made the rookie first time buyer error of being lured by a big house for a low price, without really researching the area properly first. Big mistake. Don’t get me wrong, the house is great (well it is now after […]

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Tring: So what has changed?

Living in Tring, Hertfordshire

So what has changed? Well not a lot really Budgens closed in 2005 and was replaced by M&S, which has demoted the working of Tesco till’s to profession of choice for the scary looking oddballs of Tring. Crime is on the up,,the ***** of yesteryear are all but grown up (physically) and have spawned at […]

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Weymouth: Every day is like Sunday

Living in Weymouth, Dorset

“Every day is like Sunday”, warbled famous songster Morrissey, in his tale of a bleak, broken seaside town. He was clearly visiting Weymouth when he wrote it. But let’s take you through a guided tour of the stunning sights “the **** of Dorset” has to offer the unwitting tourist. The Beach Undoubtedly a stunning vista, […]

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Colne: Welcome back to the medieval era!

Living in Colne, Lancashire

First, we have to run through a checklist to see if you are eligible to fit in in bonny ‘olde Colne. Let’s begin shall we? Let me find my checklist and my pen… Ah, here we go! Do you believe every weekend should consist of getting drunk because there’s nothing else to do? Do you […]

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Heaven and Hull

Living in Hull, East Yorkshire

Never been there before today, didn’t believe all the adverse comments but **** me WHAT A SH*THOLE. **** empty shops with useless staff, food takeaways serving cold **** and none of the tech works to order and pay for your Big Mac (no names, no packdrill); empty arcades; dirty water. And then there are the […]

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Dinnington – **** end of the Universe

Living in Dinnington, Yorkshire

Dinnington is an absolute sh*thole, very much reminiscent of the bottom of a municipal bin that’s growing maggots and stinks of.. well we don’t don’t what it is, but every now and then you get a whiff. More than likely the decaying stench of broken prams, mattresses and mouldy decaying sofas, that readily line the […]

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Cwmbran: it’s ok if you like Greggs

Living in Cwmbran, Wales

My god where to even start with this utter slum. Cwmbran is set deep within the barren wastelands of South Wales, sticking out of its surroundings like a particularly sore haemorrhoid from an un-wiped ****. It is fringed by the delightful spa town of Newport to the south and the thriving social hubs of Ebbw […]

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Dartford: once a thriving market town, now in decline

Living in Dartford, Kent

The once thriving market town of Dartford has been a cesspit for almost two decades now. As gentrification sweeps more and more of South London, more and more inner city ne’er-do-wells are pushed into its borders, primarily Dartford, making the place seem more like a rough South London borough, but at the same time the […]

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