Living in Bury, Greater Manchester

Bury: a difficult place to like

Bury has its own perfume - Eau de Weed

Living in Kingswood, Bristol

Kingswood, Bristol: Sounds like a great place to live, isn’t!

Buses are the only reason why Kingswood survives. People buy food when passing through, just to get to bath or a neighbouring county.

Living in Seahouses, Northumberland

Seahouses: they hide the inbred so you see what they want you to see

You would never expect that such a small village like Seahouses could be so inbred!

Living in Weeting, Norfolk

Come to Weeting for dog s**t covered streets and a bunch of nut cases

On arriving in Weeting, you will first see the "neighbourhood heroes" of the community speed watch, pointing their skanky hairdryer at you.

Living in Sholver, Oldham

Sholver, Oldham’s anus

Sholver, one windswept winter's night I found myself alone, cold and afraid on the streets of this shit smeared overspill.