Cardigan: creeping insidiously from the murky depths of the polluted Teifi River

Living in Cardigan, Wales

Creeping insidiously from the murky depths of the now silt-choked and chemically polluted Teifi River, Cardigan was once a thriving port, ferrying passengers to and from the New World. Now the place is filled with a strange, uneasy mix of Welsh Nationalists, middle-aged “artists” from Surrey and Sussex, ***** from various English cities who were […]

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Bristol: A battle between hipster and yokel

Living in Bristol

Bristolians are often derided for their farmer-come-pirate accents, and have never been though of as the classiest of folks. This is probably due to their lack of class. However, something has happened to Bristol over the past 10 years or so. Coffee shops, micro-breweries and organic food stores are springing up everywhere, ‘hipsters’ are filling […]

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I watched Deliverance the other day, it made me think of Cinderford

Living in Cinderford, Gloucestershire

I watched the movie Deliverance the other day, and immediately it made me think of Cinderford, a former coal mining community in West Gloucestershire that I have had the misfortune of visiting on several occasions. The fundamental similarities are there: lots of trees and lots of *******. I live close to Cinderford in the marginally […]

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Northampton: dangerous at night, unpleasant during the day

Living in Northampton

Northampton was apparently once a magnificent market town. But for as long as I lived there, there was nothing magnificent about it. I grew up in Duston, a village 3 miles away from the town centre. Between the stench of sewage, huge **** families lounging around on their front lawns with cans of cheap lager […]

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Carlisle: the people who inhabit this city are not quite right

Living in Carlisle, Cumbria

Well Carlisle… A few days ago I was in the lovely town of Keswick, the picturesque mountains, the sunset glistening on the lake. As the love of my life enjoyed a fruit cider, as semi retired couples smiled and waved at my son and I, me being somewhat naive, jumped at the chance to work […]

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Lydney: The “lovely” little brother of Coleford

Living in Lydney, Gloucestershire

There is much to be said for a Forest of Dean education. Lydney is home to some of the region’s best and brightest; a town of philosophers, poets and deep thinkers. There is also much to be said for sarcasm, which the previous paragraph is full of. The inhabitants of Lydney (or Lydiots as I […]

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Felixstowe: it is just like the film ‘Hot Fuzz’

Living in Felixstowe, Suffolk

Been living in Felixstowe 6 weeks now having moved up from Hertfordshire. What a strange place. Don’t get me wrong, beautiful countryside and lovely beaches (some, apart from the chavy end where the Amusement Arcades are) but crikey these people are weird, i just don’t know what to make of ’em. Really friendly on the […]

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Ross-on-Wye: The halitosis capital of Europe

Living in Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire

“I say Maragret, do you fancy a visit to Ross on Wye this afternoon, I hear they have a lovely market on a Saturday.” Hold your horses Mr & Mrs Jones, there’s something you should know about Ross on Wye before you visit, yes . . . it is the halitosis capital of Europe. The […]

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Gillingham: a quaint little sh*tehouse situated on the river Medway

Living in Gillingham, Kent

Gillingham, Kent, a quaint little sh–ehouse situated on the river Medway. Once upon a time, it was separate from Chatham and Rochester and was a decent thriving town, a good place to live. The people of Gillingham had a different accent to their p–ey ****** rivals from Chatham, who are easy to distinguish since the […]

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Moseley, Birmingham has become a nouveau riche *****’s paradise

Living in Moseley, Birmingham

I have lived in Moseley for around seven years and when I first moved here it was a lovely green space nestled in Birmingham near the city centre with real community spirit but in that space of time it has become a nouveau riche *****’s paradise complete with BMW and Rolls Royce owners and cottaging […]

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Combe Martin, North Devon – The CamberWickerMan Green Village

Living in Combe Martin, Devon

It’s an unfortunate well-known fact that the further north you go in Devon, the uglier and weirder the people. People don’t usually move to dark and windswept Combe Martin, they’re sent or abducted to this village of strange rites and pagan rituals on the edge of Exmoor. This is the racist alcoholics’ graveyard with a […]

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Newark-on-Trent, what is there to be proud of?

Living in Newark-on-Trent

I’ve lived in Newark-on-Trent for almost 20 years and can’t stand the place. It promotes itself as an ‘historic market town’ (aren’t they all?) and has next to nothing going for it. The locals don’t like outsiders, and that includes people from nearby towns, never mind actual foreigners. They seem to feel being Newark born […]

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