Living in Timperley

Timperley: no one can stand the ghastly Frank Sidebottom statue

Timperley is a quite village, full of old people, families & Wellington Chav School invalids, slowly dying of boredom & soy latte poisoning.

Living in Leek, Staffordshire

Leek: Lock your windows and don’t make eye contact

The sign says "Queen of the Moorlands". Leek locals say "Lock your windows, don't make eye contact, you know i love you very much don't you"

Living in Northampton

Northampton, observe our loverly wide range of chavs

If you ever find yourself in Northampton (which I hope for your sake you don't), take the time to observe our loverly wide range of chavs.

Living in Buxton, Derbyshire

Buxton – don’t be fooled by the beautiful surroundings

Buxton is home to the highest concentration of inbreds, slags, smackheads, kids with kids and wannabe gangsters in the country.

Living in Redhill, Surrey

Redhill is an incestuous breeding ground for God’s mistakes

Sterilising the population of redhill has always been on my mind, but I'm sure the crafty buggers would find a way round it.