Let us for a moment imagine that the British Isles are the silhouette of an old man. Scotland is his cap, Cornwall his toes, Anglia his curved spine making Dover his herpes ******** ****-hole. When questioned, most people will remark that they have been through Dover but never stopped off “daaaaaaaaahn taaaaaaahn,” as the city centre is known […]
Tag: Kent
Sittingbourne, ***** and ******* living in (dis)harmony
Ah Sittingbourne, the place with the 2nd highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country (narrowly beaten by Sheppey there) Not a lot has changed since I last wrote about the s******e, but I just want to follow up my comments, and correct a few others. I’ve noticed that most visitors to the town seem to […]
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Deal overrun with the fake designer label loving mutants
Deal is now overrun with the fake designer label loving mutants. They walk around in their ‘hunting packs’ finking dey is all dis and dat. What the f*ck they ramble on about is any normal persons guess. They hang around in Tides carpark, on their cheap nicked scooters and **** modded W reg Focus’ abusing […]
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Herne Bay, a coastal leisure town for pregnant teenagers, junkies & nerks
A coastal leisure town for pregnant teenagers, junkies and nerks. A place where you can wear your display your ASBO with pride! Aaah. Herne Bay. The sign says “Coastal Leisure Town” and lures the unwary traveller in with promises of a beach and other leisure attractions such as a swimming pool and a bandstand. Come […]
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If Margate is a spot on England’s ****, Westgate-on-sea is the pus
Margate is a nasty little ******** on the tip of Kent, like a fat spot on England’s ****. As if Margate is not bad enough, it’s connected to loads of surrounding towns that are just as bad. So imagine a city the size of Birmingham with nothing except council estates, a theme park (dreamland) and […]
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Swanley is the Manchester United of Holes
Why has nobody mentioned Swanley? In relative terms, Swanley, is the Manchester United of **** towns. A little while ago, Asda requested that Swanley be re-named Asdaville, since most of its residents are employed there. You can see why. The local comp was one of the lowest ranked schools in the whole country, and for […]
Orpington has been growing in recent years to be one of the most chavy areas imaginable.
Orpington has been growing in recent years to be one of the most chavy areas imaginable. God knows where they all come from! Being ****** and all i’d rather not think about it. The high street is a haven for this, maccy d’s, wetherspoons and cheap stella from the local spar or Jet garage… The […]
Twydall Estate, Gillingham: a delightful place to visit, but not on your own
Twydall is located between the towns of Gillingham and Rainham and is a delightful place to visit, but not when you’re on your own. It has an extremely large population of ****’s who believe in the old adage of ‘strength in numbers’ and ‘a life without a bottle of white lightening and a *** is […]
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Sittingbourne: the only small town to have 3 branches of McDonalds
I would like to welcome you to the ‘Fragrant ********’ that is Shitingbourne. Home to a population of about 80% ****, with the rest being made up of grungers/goths/old people. Quite possibly the only town with good transport links to those **** meccas of Shitness on Sea and Chavham, it has the distinction of being […]
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Margate has its charms, but it’s also…
Margate has its charms (beautiful weather and a nice beach), but it’s also **** Central. Margate **** haunts include McDonald’s, KFC and Yates’ Wine Lodge, which is the preferred watering hole to get pissed in before moving on to one of the local clubs. Sheldons at the top of Margate high street is also another […]
Folkestone in Kent
Folkestone is (or rather was) a quaint little town by the english channel. As if it wasn’t bad enough having to live with the faint smell of France wafting across the channel, it has now become the home of a rare breed of ****, the middle class ****. The further north you travel, the less […]
Tonbridge: where ***** and toffs come face-to-face
Sat merrily on the River Medway, this is the town that spawned Royal Tunbridge Wells – itself a new town built in the style of Milton Keynes on the site of some polluted stream in 1958. However, worryingly Tonbridge too has a bit of a **** problem. This despite an influx of young non-***** moving […]
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