Haywards Heath – the patio of England

Living in Haywards Heath, West Sussex

Haywards Hoth dates back to 1544 meaning a “heath by the enclosure with a hedge”. An unsearchable and unheard of ‘legend’ suggests that the town is named after a local highway man, Jack Hayward, who committed his crimes in the vicinity at some undefined period in the past. I suspect this is a colossal in-joke […]

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East Grinstead: a nothing town filled with horrible people

Living in East Grinstead, West Sussex

I have lived in East Grinstead now for 5 years. Although the town has one of the oldest high streets in the country, it does not take away from the fact that it’s a nasty horrible place. The town itself is filled with *****, nutters, nasty middle-class idiots and Scientologists (the national Scientology headquarters is […]

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Is it Horsham or is just me?

Living in Horsham, West Sussex

What even is Horsham? Horsham is spending the majority of your time at school making fart noises with your armpit then ten years later, owning your own business with 10 employees and a fleet of vans. It’s dreading walking down West Street in the company of your own mother, because in all likelihood, you’ll pass […]

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Crawley vs Croydon vs Sutton

Living in Crawley, West Sussex

I haven’t lived here long in Crawley, but from what I hear it is ‘rough’. I have so far yet to witness this, but that’s due to the fact I used to live in both Croydon and Sutton so my idea of rough is a bit different. For example, I hardly ever hear sirens in […]

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Horsham, overrated, overpriced, up-its-**** boring, bland sh*thole

Living in Horsham, West Sussex

Horsham. So far up its own ahole. All the same **** behaviour as Crawley but with more so called middle class kids also being wannabes. Horsham Park looks like a battlefield every morning after a half decent warm summer day. Dirty peasants. Lots of council estate kids (Roffey, Horsham’s answer to Crawley’s Bewbush) and middle […]

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Crawley is like looking what the cat coughed up and pissed all over

Crawley, West Sussex, Property guide and review

Cesspit, ********, cat-sick-slobber – there are many names for Crawley. Some call it the Armpit of the South, I’d go further than that. I’d say it’s the infected spot in the Armpit of the South. My two friends and I were so pleased when we discovered that Crawley had not been missed off the list […]

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