Oh My God, I can’t believe that Tadley has not been added yet! Ok Tadley is like the little c**v sister of Basingstoke, fair enough it has a different father to its c**v siblings – Old Basing and Hook, but it still has all the classics that make it such a chavvietown.
We have our own breed of c**v here in Tadley, like no other.
Theres not alot to amuse the young c**v & chavettes in this town apart from the purpose built skatepark and the only supermarket in town – Sainsbury’s. Every day without fail (even when they are suppose to be at school) at about 12.15pm they desend on Sainsbury’s. You wouldn’t normally see them before this time because for a start Trisha hasn’t finished on ITV and it takes them a long time to walk there as they are so weighed down with all the Elizabeth Duke Bling! The young chavettes also have to allow time for the careful application of the 10 layers of Maybelline Great Black Lash Mascara which weighs their eyelids down that much it makes them squint!
Once all the c**v and chavettes have greeted each other in the usual manner (i.e. wos up blood or yo yo yo) they congregate in the foyer of Sainsbury’s. Each one taking it in turns to either sit in the baskets, be in the competition to see exactly how many c***s you can fit in one Postman Pat kids ride or how many times can you really wind up the security guard or trolley boy.
The most common c**v attire is:
Le Coq Sportif
You be can rest assured that each c**v and c******e comes complete with the most upto date mobile phone (i.e. the latest nokia or Motorola) but usually a flip phone.
Our c**v’s are particularly aggressive, you only have to catch their gaze and they want to pick a fight with you. Of course you don’t actually want to be involved in a fight with a c**v because you’ll probably end up with the customary Sovereign ring imprints permantly imprinted on your face. Each c**v must own and wear at least three on each hand.
Talking of Sovereign’s you’ll usually find that each c**v will chain smoke a packet of 20 in the space of an hour.
Our c**v’s have strong links with Reading C**v’s, after all our Post Code and Dialling Code come under the Reading Area.
Out of Tadley our C**v’s will usually be found spending their benefits/wages in the likes of Festival Place, Basingstoke or The Oracle & The Butts shopping malls, Reading. Which gives them the opportunity to socialise and swap the latest clothing brand trends with fellow C**v’s.
All I can say is be very careful not to pay a visit to Tadley unless it is a matter of absolute life and death as you will probably be given evils by the c**v culture here, especially if you visit one of the local pubs. Believe me when I say C**v’s don’t welcome outsiders.
Will keep you upto date with any developments.