Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South London

Where can I start. I have had the mis-fourtune of living round sutton my entire life and would love to be able to tell you some uplifting information about the people but I cant. More commonly known as Slutton (3 guesses why?) it is surrounded by some of the chaviest areas known tho man i.e. Croydon, Wallington and Morden all of which you can find deligthfull articles about on this site. Sutton has had it’s fair share of fame once host of the infamous Sutton Cruise (where jumped up rude boys go steaming up the high street in their suped up novas in the hope of impressing one of sluttons finest chavettes enough to suck them off in matalan carpark) which actually appeared in max power innit before gettin shut down by the old bill.
Sutton is a mecca for our beloved chav with chav shops such as Wilkinson, Game, Newlook, Morgan, buzz, blue inc., H Samuel, Cash a cheque, Asda, Poundland, Matalan, Savers chemist, Argos, Index, Jd Sports, JJB’s to name but a few all their retail needs are catered for. Now for our sofisticated chav (those that actually own shoes) sutton has a wide variety of night life to cater all needs. LittenTree – for the 15 year old p***y chavette wishing to spend her last weeks before the baby comes avin a laff with her mates innit/ tryin to find some bloke stupid enuff to believe her age in the hope of gettin pregnant so she can liv off the caanciwl.
Liquid – “Suttons newest and only £1 million night club” open 6 months 1 stabbing, conutless fights and bottling incidents and 2 incidents in which a “gas” has been let off in the crowd to name but a few, Usually frequented buy the pink shirted, highlighted spiked hair, jeans, suit jacket and white shoes stylee chav and the bog standard slutton chavette (4 smirnoff ices and they’ll gladly bend over to the front and touch their toes (in matalan car park on the way home) if you get my drift).
Chicargo’s- This is where the term Slutton Mutton comes in to its own. Whilst your 18 yr old chavette is in liquid chewing the face off and opening her legs to some random chav in a pink shirt her muva is more than likely wearing her clothes in chicargos chewing the face off and opening her legs to some random 40 yr old skinhead chav in a chelsea shirt.
So basically the moral of the story is if you’ve got a thing for chavettes, have fantasys about shagging a chavette/slutton mutton in matalan car park while she sucks your mate off, really can’t be assed to make much effort in pulling said chavette or her mum sluttons the town for you.


Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Uncategorised

On Guildford, it was pointed out that the town was built on a hill, and that the scum festered at the bottom – This is particularly so in ‘slutton’, where your chav can line their theiving little pockets from Asda, the 99p shop and some delightful stalls selling socks and nylon undies. Then they can treat their yelling offspring to a full breakfast at one of the many caffs at the bottom of town, before diving into Argos to buy some lovely gold.. Presumably the very weight of their arses and bellies makes it lower?

There are of course some exceptions. The top of the High Street is home to Wilkinsons, where your chavette can push her buggie, lean over her ear-pierced baby, drop her fag ash on it and tell it to ‘f*****g stop cryin’. The only jerwellery missing is the wedding ring, presumably so she can pull in the clubs whilst Dad is in wandsworth.

Ah yes, the pubs and clubs – a host of new trendy bars – Cafe Mango, Bar Room Bar and the like where chav and Slutton Mutton can perform their mating rituals and compare gold – she showing off her pierced midriff and tatty thong halfway up her back, whilst he tries to coax her into a drunken spin in his 1.1 Corsa complete with blue flourescent tube underneath. It may not go fast, but at least it’s noisy.

Crime count in last fortnight:

P***y decided to set up home in communal area of flats.
2 thieves entered our offices. when confronted claimed to be ‘ looking for work’ (presumably an expression they over-heard in the job centre)
Golf clubs nicked from my garage.
Window boxes nicked from office.

All within 10 days. Lovely town!!