Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South London

When I was a nipper, Surbiton was a nice place to be. The locals were all friendly, buying stuff was easy, and I liked the area very much. Yes, that was then of course. Now all I want to do is get away from it.

There are a number of housing estates in nearby Kingston, and thanks to the Oystercard, the Chavs can roam free enjoying Tolworth Broadway and Surbiton’s Victoria Road. The normal chav facilities can be found in Surbiton, Macdonalds, KFC, a former Poundshop which made the best decision of its life to call itself the £1+ Shop, but not much else. So a main day for the chavs is going to"Maccy D’s" and then to KFC before the usual fag-cadging. There are enough parks around to keep any chav satisfied from slapping someone or to keep a chavette waiting for month number 9. However a general precaution(toddler or small dog) will scare them silly. 

Then there’s Tolworth, which seems to be in my opinion even worse. There’s no MacDonalds, in fact there are barely any fast food chains, so the chavs will make do with a Pizza or a Kebab before going to their "Hangout", a vast series of underpasses above the A3. This provides a great area  for dangling pebbles(Chavs are too scared to use bricks of course) above the passing cars, as well as also trying to mug you in the underpasses.
Bar the bowling alley, there is little unchavvy about Tolworth, except there are no Burberry stores nearby. Think you’re in trouble? Never ye mind, you can spot a chav here a mile off. The traditional etiquette here is blindig whiter-than-white clothing all year round, so if you are anywhere around London, you will spot a chav from these areas instantaneously. Rotten eggs and bricks for these moments are also cheap. Get your hands on some now!

Now you know why the theme parks keep their prices up around these areas, and why the 99p stores are becoming less and less frequent. Now you should be able to figure out why there won’t be any large Tesco currently. Perhaps sometime the area will be completely cleaned out. But hopefully then I will be living elsewhere. Not Essex.