Sunderland (Why, God? Why!?!)

Where do we even start?

* Fact: Sunderland was voted the 3rd crappest city/town in Britain.

* Fact: The population of Sunderland, 283,090 (And growing thanks to the many pregnant *********), I would say about 80% are *****.

* Fact: Our crime is poor too, sexual offences, violent crime and theft are all on the up and are higher than the national average. (I’ve seen policemen on pedal bikes chasing ***** in stolen cars. You might not believe it but I really have seen it!)

So, there are three things you might not have known about “sunny” Sunderland, but what about other things:

Nightlife? – Well, some famous places that ***** go rave, shag and **** people up are “The New Monkey”, “Annabels” and “Lush”. These places at night time are crawling with ****. ***** all looking to find a spare *** and a fight, while, ********* all shouting “he’s not worth it” at their brothers/boyfriends (I don’t know!)

Food? – There is a variety of restaurants, which provide employment for *****, the less skilled among them all and students (they aren’t all thick!) They range from McDonalds to Burger King and from KFC to Greggs, yes, we have ’em all!

Housing? – Sunderland is infamous for their housing estates, like Hendon and the East End, which is where only some of the murders are seen. Estates like Plains Farm, Ryhope and Thorney Close would be a welcome surprise when visiting Sunderland, but, there is an estate that takes the cake when it looks like s**t: Pennywell! Its modern day Bosnia, only with worse crime and poorer schools! Ooo and Marley Potts is a stunner too.

Shopping? – With the brand new Bridges open there’s loads for ***** to buy. Poundland, always could for a **** to buy a pack of permanent markers to sniff at.
Argos, for the ‘Little Miss ****’
Sports Direct, for the tracky bottoms and Le Coq Sportif hoodies
New Look, for the middle class ****.
****, well, it might be an **** shop or just a knock-off shop, I can’t really tell.
Crowtree Leisure Centre, mini ***** trying to swim(or going for a wash) always good for a laugh.
There are Ca$h Converters too and even a cinema, where fart spray is always the fresh fragrance when you enter.

(And finally) Transport – Sunderland has gone through a revolution when it comes to transport, we’ve got the Metro system which runs many a person from Sunderland to our friends in Tyneside and Newcastle (squashing up everyone into sardines in a tin!) but recent reports show ***** a using this place for a Happyslap or two, our local paper (The Sunderland Echo) gave us an insight into what ***** do, eg Shag and set old peoples hair on fire, ***** are apparently going to be band from using the system, ha, that’ll be the day! With our revolution complete with the transport industry in Sunderland all I can say is the Parklane Interchange, bosses said that they play classical music in order drive away the masses of *****, has it worked? Has it hell!

And on that note, I’ll leave you with my hopes and wishes on that you’ll never visit Sunderland as long as you live.

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