This is my first try so bear with me please 🙂
Now, I know this town has been done before but…. yeah i give a s**t.
I’ve lived in stowmarket for fifteen of my seventeen years in this world, before that I lived in Ipswich, but I was too young to realise what a s******e that place was so why not rant about the town that made me what I am: a chav hating twat.
I begin my rant by first describing the appearance of the stowmarket chav: short, malnourished, skiny, seven fingers (we suffolk people are apparently all inbred anyway but that chave are even more so) and usually freckly. Their clothing range is purely of tatty old football tops/shitty little pink shirts/or a dirty looking ‘le coq’ jacket. the bottom half of their body includes either stone washed jeans or trackky bottoms. that was just the male fashion. the female chav is easy enough to spot: hair tied up and sprayed down with rubber cement and a matching suit of what to me looks like a pyjama set. jewellery is your standard chavviness: too many rings and f**k off big hooped earings, perhaps to hold the little slag’s legs behing their heads.
Their main hangout point now is basically around town centre, mainly around the little circle of seats opposite the bank and near woolworth’s where they sill sit for hours on end drinking shite lightning, or for the rich ones (Rich=the ones who earn more than £10 a week) lambourini. from there they will either go up to the youth club and get stoned or they’l go down to the dreaded s******e known as combs ford and f**k up pike’s meadow just a little more. The other main hangout place in Stow right now it the united reformed church. This is a popular one especially for the chavettes, the reason? well there’s an off lisence across the road… need I say more?
One more spot i’ve only just noticed in my lovely town is asda’s overflow carpark. this is the main hangout for the boy-racers and their third time pregnant 15 year old girlfriends. the carpark is about the length of two and a half tennis courts and is the width of…. lets say just the one they spend their time racing down the tiny space in their suped up ford ‘scorts shouting obscene language at random people who have the mispleasure to walk past the hell hole.
One thing that really PISSES ME OFF about the oh so tedious chavs of stowmarket, and this counts for basically any chav in suffolk, is that they ALL speak with an essex accent, although half of them have never set foot any further than needham. really though what IS up with that? I must give it to them though, the worst they do is throw things at people like bottles and anything they can get their filthy hands on. they don’t start fights on anyone because they know that they’re too fucked to fight themselves out of a paper bag.
God save me from this hell in which I live…
Oh… and one other thing, they all all have names like laun, zak, filby, charice, chantelle, sian, basically stupid names for the boys and names that begin with the shound ‘sh’ for girls.
Hope it wasnt too boring, just I dont get to rant very often.