Of course, who could miss out the glorious town of Stone? Lined by its beautiful canals, fantastic views and pissheads on cheap cider, Stone has an array of wonderful places you can visit.
As a tourist, why not visit the local Crown and Anchor (more affectionately known as the C’n’A)? Serving only the finest cheap lager (at very expensive prices) and providing the best brawls in the local area, the C’n’A has developed an almost cult following with pissheads throughout Staffordshire. So much so, that people from Stoke-on-Trent, Stafford and even Uttoxeter sometimes come to visit. The wonderful diversity adds to the excellent entertainment by providing only the finest bar brawls in Staffordshire. Entertainment provided free of charge Fridays and Saturdays from 10pm – 2am please refrain from laughing as they may smack you too.
Then we have the fine cuisine Stone has to offer. Why not visit Valleys?Eastern Delight? Schaffers? Stone has it all! Feel free to visit one of the many other fine Kebab houses selling you three quids worth of filth after you’ve had too many Snakebites.
Don’t forget to add the local suburban paradises to your tour of Stone. Walton (around ten minutes from Stone) is a wonderful area, littered with middle class ‘wannabe c***s’, who think they were raised in the ghetto and they run the town. Just another fifteen minutes from there, we have the wonderful areas of Aston Lodge, Lambert Park (commonly known as the Saxifradge Estate due to its entrance road) and Copeland Estate. Why not take a walk through Aston Lodge on a Friday night? Just try to ignore all the ‘mickey mouse’ drug dealers palming off poor quality weed and all the 14 year old girls dressed in mini-skirts waiting for their 26 year old boyfriend to come and pick them up. Alternatively, have a quick dash through the Copeland or Saxifrage Estate, Stone’s answer to Butlins. Pop down the park with a crate of Stella (only if you’re feeling rich. White Lightning will do) and have a chat with all the friendly local scrotes who got Bob the Builder to buy their beer for them.
After all that, if you still have time, check out the ‘Priory Estate’ around 5 minutes on from the Saxifrage Estate. If you’re a single unemployed mother with a loud angry kid and like gossiping with you’re equally inept single parent neighbour then this is the estate for you.
Stone! Paradise! Well ‘ard!