Ahhhhh Stevenage…. Twinned with Basra. I’ve lived in Stevenage ‘TAAAAN’ for most of my life now, my parents moving me down here from Glasgow because, apparently, they wanted me to sound like a twat.
A wander, or perhaps rather, a flat out sprint through the picturesque town centre, would best be described from one end of this Burberry Gauntlet to the other…
I’ll start at the most p***y end, and work upwards. CASH CONVERTERS!!! MMMM!!!!! Visit this pawn shop in disguise (although they always ask for ID*)if you have unwanted (allegedly* stolen) car stereos, unused (allegedly* stolen) bikes, or unworn (allegedly* stolen) golden rings and chains, and the greasy fella behind the counter will only be too pleased to offer u a tenner for it. Chuck a left out of here and you’ll soon come across the less classy of the two £1 shops here in the town. Only a few doors down you’ll find the SEX SHOP. Oh yes, we have one. Of course we f***in do… Now, were getting to the infamous clock tower, where many a chav has spent their lunch while doing community service. Primark, where literally pennies worth of clothes are nicked each day is on ur left. Across the square, past the steps where our pyjama wearing warriors spit at passers by, is McDonalds. In hear, you’ll experience such comments as, “calm down Mercedes, and you can have more Sunny Delight!!”, “9 Happy Meals, init”, and “ooh, ‘es well fit, in’ ee”. Lets move on….
Four sports shops occupy the town, each with its different chav community. The ‘smarter’ chav (jumper without hoody), tend to frequent JD Sports, while the ‘sporty’ chav, prefers JJB and Sports Soccer.
Westgate now, where young Chavettes with more testostorone than Hulk Hogan, heave their sweaty, spotty selfs from shop to shop, dragging little Rooney and Chardonnay around with them.
The shops in here, are actually not TOO bad. The only downside being the scumbags of this town going into each one, telling their friends that they “might get this shirt later”. (No mate, you wont…)
I could, and was tempted to, carry this on for some time, as this town offers a plethora of puke and s**t infested morons to take the piss out of. But I’ve finished work, and its a bugger to get out of the car park after 5.00…
SO COME TO STEVENAGE!!! WHERE NO WINDOW GOES UNLICKED!!!!
* NOTE FROM ADMIN: I’ve had to ammend this entry slightly, my apologies to ‘reebokclassic’. I have already been threatened once by Cash Converters regarding the issue of them accepting stolen goods. However, I will state that Cash Converters prey on the poorest members of society to make a profit and will stand by this statement in court. In a recent poll on Chavtowns, Cash converters was voted the second Chaviest shop on the High Street by our readers. However, this poll does not reflect the views of myself, our hosting company and their affiliates.