Staines, the town that died of shame

Staines, the very name conjures up a vision of ****-ridden, rubbish-strewn despair because it is an utter craphole of a dump and always was. Don’t know where to begin in describing this pit beyond take the very worst sh*tehole you can think of and multiply by a million. The town “centre” was already dying on its feet before the invasion of coffee chains (where the indolent locals loiter much of their time), pound shops (themselves now dying) and the badge of pride for a downmarket hole, a Wilkos.

Not only is the town such as it a depressing hole, the locals and Stanwell spawn who invade it, are the meanest bunch of sub-**** **** you are likely to encounter even in the lowest pit you’ve been to. It is regularly invaded by hordes of ***** **** ‘lovely travelling folk’ who terrorise local shoppers of a Sunday afternoon and, as you’d guess the local schools are by far the worst for miles with atrocious attainment. The local comp, Matthew Arnold is notorious for its violence and rock-bottom exam results, a ticket to a life of chavdom and indolence.

There is absolutely nothing here for anyone to do, unless you can afford the local leisure centre which, like half the town, is falling apart from neglect and age. Of course, if you’re a smug middle class commuter living on the Laleham end, you won’t worry about the clapped-out state of the place as you shop on Ocado and never step foot in the grimy apology of a town centre. To sum up Staines, don’t even think of coming here, it’s a dead-end dump full of mindless ***** and old people. The ultimate **** town, makes Hull look like a class act.

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