well here we go again with agent stez’s research report on chav life/culture in spalding.
today we’re looking at a chav’s idea of night life. to begin with the budding chav watcher in search of chav night life then you have to head for either shooter’s bar (in the main market place) or the punch bowl round the corner (there’s two night club’s but we’ll get to those later) there are a few more pub’s/ber’s in spalding (18 in total!) but to really wittness chavness at night then these to pub’s are the one’s. let’s start with shooter’s.
when you first enter this place (if you get past the bouncers!) you are greeted with a choice either send some one else to the bar & try & find a seat or head to the bar yourself. if you do the latter then you have to try & get the attention of one of the barmaid’s (if you can call them that) while your waiting to be served you’ll do well to avoid the drunken chav who seem’s to be at the bar from when this place open’s to when it closes (or when the “bouncer’s” throw him out (at lest once a day!))
once you got your drink (waterd down “shite” larger) & you’ve managed to navigate the minefield of (drunk)chav’s that is the dance floor & you get a seat (normally follow’d by a shrill cry of “oi! some one’s sitting there!” then you can sit back & watch the chav’s in their “mating” ritual which normally consist’s of a chav walking up to a chavette (trying to be cool & failling!) & then kicking off with the nearset chav in an attempt to impress the chavette (who’s half cut on cheap white wine “it’s dead comopolitan innit?”)
once you’ve had your fill of the action here you can move on round the corner to the punch bowl (we’ll come to that place later as i’ve got a few stories about that place so you’ll have to wait!)
now on to the “night club’s” here your faced with a choice either “merlin’s” (a wannabe “west end” style club a bit like the bass house in the market place) or “the granary” which is more of an old fashioned drinking den with no dress code unlike merlin’s) & at closing/kicking out time they both seem to turn into the real life version of the fight club. which ever one you decide to enter then be on your guard as the chavette’s in these places can smell a none chav male a mile away & will try everything they can to trap you into buying their drink’s all night (usually cheap &v.v.strange cocktail’s) & then they will protect you with their life from any other chavette who so much as look’s at you! bewarned as if you do get trap’d then she will expect a bit of “adult fun” from you back at her place & although it’s fun at the time you will not be able to get rid of her the next day (no matter how hard you try it just won’t happen.
right that’s it for now as there’s a couple of my “labrat’s” at the door with a (nicked) crate of stella so i better go if i don’t want my cover to be blown. right time to hide the laptop.
this is agent stez signing out till later.
keep ’em peel’d chav watchers.
bye for now
stez (under deep cover in spalding)