File Under:
Plague, avoid like the.
I have enjoyed vastly, reading through the many wonderful descriptions here…
that so many have given their time to compiling…
and felt compelled to leave one of my own.
As a football supporter for many years…
I have been privilaged to sample the delights of some of our country’s finest institutions of Chavhood.
During my travels, I have been privileged to visit over 90 towns/cities, whilst following my team.
Of all of these places I have visited…
there is a place that is by far, and without doubt…
the most disgusting hive of human waste one is ever likely to have the misfortune to encounter, and it dwells way down on England’s Beautiful South Coast…
in the same manner that a cancerous growth spoils a healthy lung…
This place, of course, this slimey, greasy, violent, filthy, grimey, putrid, nausea inducing puss cluster of a city…
is none other than the Giant Council Estate Island,
know as Portsmouth.
In all honesty, I feel phyically sick just thinking about the place, as I type about it now.
Before I continue…
I shall just insert here, a little quote about Portsmouth from an article in a national newspaper…
“Portsmouth is one of the most anomalous cities in Britain. Packed as it is on to Portsea Island, it is the most densely populated urban area of Europe, being also one of the most pugnacious. And that’s being kind.
‘This is a city,’ says local newspaper columnist and crime writer Graham Hurley, ‘whose fortunes are inextricably connected to war. For centuries, Portsmouth’s life has been that of the Royal Navy and a dockyard…
It is a city that needs war, a martial city. It’s the fighting city it always was –
“If in doubt, have a fight”.
It has apparently been thus for 250 years. ‘The necessity of living in the midst of the diabolical citizens of Portsmouth,’ wrote General James Wolfe in 1758, ‘is a real and unavoidable calamity. It is a doubt to me if there is such another collection of demons upon the whole earth.’ “
Well, I think that really sums it up quite nicely.
Let not either the fact be lost on you, that the said article, was written in 1758!!!
I think it fair to say that the place has gone “down-market” in times since! 😉 Lol
Where to start?
Essensially, Portsmouth, or Skatesmouth to those in nearby towns and cities that share a mutual loathing for the puss-cluster that is Pompey like to refer to it as, is a sprawling mass of Council Estates.
Some with sub-estates within themselves.
The main hot-spots, are Paulsgrove, Wymering, Cosham, Drayton, Farlington, Hilsea, Portsea, Somers Town, Fratton, and North End.
Oh, and how can I forget Highbury! 😉
So, yes, that’s pretty much all of it really.
My two personal favourites, are the incongruent homegrowns of Paulsgrove, the largest Council Estate at least in the country, possibly Europe…
and that most joyous a celebration of humanity’s lowest manifestation of life yet, the incumbents of the Supreme Source of ****, that is Somers Town.
In these parts of town, they have no use for guns…
they are so hard, they insert bullets manually!
On one excursion into the world Epicentre of all things Skate (our equivilent of “****”)…
undercover in a friend’s “souped up” Civic Type-R I witnessed the following scene:
Driving down the main Winston Churchill Avenue…
in broad daylight mind you…
a group of thugs, ranging from about the ages of 12 to 25…
over 20 of them I’d say…
attacking an old man at a bus stop…
whilst local “older” Skates just walked passed…
as if it was a normal everyday occurrence!
Further down the road, and now we’re getting to the heart of things…
we’ve stumbled across our first example specimen…
of the most **** breed of human life that ever has existed…
the rancid *********** of a sub-species, known as the Portsmouth Football Hooligan.
Yes, this is the heart of where much of this repulsive city’s problems lie…
Portsmouth Football Club.
Whilst I shall immediately add, that there are of course…
a handful of honest, decent folks that go along to watch the Pompey “Play Up”…
these are in the extreme minority.
Pompey play their matches at a run down ramshackled excuse for a football stadium, (which I am to this day, shocked that it passes even the most rudimentary of Safety Requirements for a public venue) called Fratton Park.
As a somewhat humorous and definately most appropriate aside…
if you spell Fratton Park backwards…
you get Nottarf Krap.
Rather amusing if you happen to catch the fascia sign in your car mirror! 😉
Nottarf Krap, is a hotbed of seething hatred and violence…
which is to be expected when cramming 20,200 odd of the worlds most notorious football Hooligans into one cramped and decrepid old deathtrap.
Hooliganism for a Skate Pompey fan is just a way of life. It quite literally (or Illiterately! LOL) runs in the family.
It’s in the Genes you could say!
(FFS, I inn’t wearin’ no fookin’ jeans you fookin coont! innit! FFS.)
Hmm, yes, exactly.
A Skate’s vocabulary range is limited to say the least.
More often than not, their sentences both begin, and end, with FFS (for **** sake)…
and shall generally also include a good few renditions of “Coont” thrown in for good measure.
Imagine, the most notorious of the mature male (I use the term loosely) hooligans who had their heyday in the late seventies into the eighties…
and are none other than the infamous 6.57 Crew.
Named after the first train out of Skatesmouth on a saturday…
to ensure the self-respecting hooligan can find time for a good ruck (fight) before the game.
And then imagine what would happen if these fine specimins of male Skateness…
bred amongst their own inner communities, with the local Skate-esses…
and brought forth a new breed of ***** Skate ****…
and let them loose on the outside world…(yeah, that means off of your own estate!)
having been fully trained in the finer arts of hooliganism by their experienced “fathers?”, whom proudly boast a combined list of convictions for a whole range of assaults and affray, that would wrap around the circumference of the planet 3 times over…
Yes, you get “The Pompey Dalek Boys”!!!
Whilst the “Mature” alpha male is a seasoned and rock solid first degree hooligan (known to each other most fittingly, as “Coonts”)
and will think nothing of merrily battering their way through much larger groups singlehandedly…
the offspring, whilst some of them being pretty tough by themselves…
most are nothing but hot air when alone…
and tend to hunt in packs of 20 or so.
When these mutant teenage “Dalek” street combatants work together in their “packs” though…
which you’ll find across every estate here…
they are one of the most violently merciless Skate breeds in the country!
In particular, out of all of the nasty little pockets of Skate **** that spawn across the sprawling Estate of Skatesmouth…
Somers Town, and Paulsgrove, for the outsider…
are strictly “no-go” zones!
Lol, my friend and I once made up a banner for the main entrance to Somers Town, at Winston Churchill Ave…which read:
“You are Now Approaching Somers Town… Abandon Hope, all ye who enter Here.”
We constructed another too for Paulsgrove…titled:
“You are now entering Paulsgrove. It’s not too late to change your mind!”
Still, I digress.
Whilst we were driving down WCA…we approach a group of Portsmouth Football Club Shirt wearing “Daleks”,
with customary tucked into socks tracksuit trousers,
and naturally, 45 degree angle caps carefully placed on the head …
quite literally punching the f*ck out of each other…
no play fighting here…
seriously full on head punches, headbutting, knees and elbows…
you name it, one lad had his head banged against a telegraph pole!!!
Then, as if someone had said a magic word…
they all just stopped fighting…
someone pulled out some cans of Stella…
and all smiles and laughs, arms round shoulders…
smoking and joking together, they proceed to walk off in the direction of the shops!!!…
My friend and I were stunned!
It was just like watching Fight Club!!!
Apparently, Beating the living **** out of each other is actually a popular sport to be shared among friends if you live in Pompey…
and if they can do this to themselves…
there is no wonder that they see it as perfectly normal to greet opposition football fans to their city in a similar way.
Maybe they actually think that they are being friendly!?? There’s a thought!
Still, we’re only just starting with this tale of violence.
I happened to be spending the day with my portsmouth dwelling friend I mentioned above…
who I’m pleased to say, doesn’t actually come from the area, and is not in any way Skate material.
He happens to have the misfortune of living right by Nottarf Krap…
and the day that I was there, Pompey were playing their bitter south coast rivals, Southampton.
The scenes were unbelievable.
After the match (which Portsmouth won)…
the Southampton fans had to be kept in for almost an hour, whilst riot police tried to disperse the gathered mob of Skate Hooligans awaiting them…
when the away supporters were finally led out of the Fratton Cage…
riot police had to fight desparately to hold back a hord of about 500 or so seething Hooligans…
whilst trying to protect them with raised riot shields…
as the skate **** were launching a hail of bricks and glass bottles, stones, food, you name it…
anything with the potential to inflict injury that could be found and lifted…
it was disgraceful!
The Hooligans consisted of a broad age range…
from the older, hardcore 6.57 Crew nutcases…
huge grisley men that you’d never want to be in a room with…
all the way down to kids of 12 or 13…
all fighting running battles with the riot police…
one of the filthy skate ******** even kicked a police dog to death!
I cannot continue with the description due to the emotion that the memory triggers…
yet suffice to say that after inflicting all manner of serious injuries on police and Southampton fans…
the group went on the rampage…
pretty much tearing up their own city…
destroying bus stops…
smashing shop windows etc…
the morning after just looked like there had been a war…
and there had, for all intents and purposes.
And I see no hope for any future improvement.
This place is Violent to the Core.
When you consider that the Main adult male Hooligans have already bred within their communities…
and reared a new breed of Skate offspring…
and proudly taught them everything they know…
and that these “Dalek” tearaways are already breeding within the communities again, at the ages of 13 +…
what happens when this new generation begins to evolve too…
before, the grand parents could be relied upon for a little wisdom when needed…
but now, the grand parents are seasoned hooligans!
Suffice to say, that if this hybrid plague of incestuous filth continues to spread at it’s current alarming rate…
I can fast see us coming to a disturbing point, where the ignorant and unlearned perpetuate the race.
My honest advise, if you can possibly avoid it…
NEVER, EVER even come close to considering, or in any way entertaining any thoughts of setting foot in this HELL HOLE!!!
AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!
