Ah Sittingbourne, the place with the 2nd highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country (narrowly beaten by Sheppey there) Not a lot has changed since I last wrote about the s******e, but I just want to follow up my comments, and correct a few others.
I’ve noticed that most visitors to the town seem to think that there is a population of 100% **** and/or *****. It’s actually about 99%. True there is about 60 ***** to every road in the godforsaken s******e, but there is roughly one or two normal people in each road, we just choose to leave the town en-masse at weekends.
The ***** have taken on a new stomping ground in the past few months. They now “own” the strip of shops from Supreme Chicken down to Papa Johns Pizza at the Park Road end of the High Street.
The latest bit of total ******** to come from the council is the building of a “shopping complex to rival Bluewater”. I just hope this means that ***** will be banned completely.
Finally, David Baddiel has hit the nail firmly on the head where the High Street is concerned. “A place where you feel overdressed with 2 ears.”
Signposts were installed around the town stating “IT’S HERE!!” informing the people of Sittingbourne (those who can read), what exactly is going to be built there. Mock up CGI images where put into the local paper, “Look…A Starbucks!!” “What is this?!? Another McDonalds?” (and other exclamations of delight) the people said. It was met with a mixture of curiosity and general well being.
We now have a StarBucks nestled in between the Charity Shops. People don’t order any Coffee there, they come in to use the free WIFI on their phones and helpfully ask the staff to “Go forth and multiply” when asked if they want anything. Greggs still do a cracking trade though.
The Signposts are due to come down as they are starting to rot and might cause some health and Safety hazard, and the crappy little two screen Cinema that was shut down to make way for the big shiny 8 screen Cinema, has had to be reopened due to the Council dithering over which chain of Cinema it wants (it changes every week).
Apart from that, everything is exactly the same as it always is…..***** and ****** living in (Dis)harmony, the delicious stink of **** produce and everyone else shuffling like Romero Zombies, desperately hoping that they could move somewhere else….anywhere but Sittingbourne!!
Maidstone – The town that progress forgot
Gillingham – Lively Rubbish Bin of the South East
Sheerness: industrial eyesore & the ‘crapital’ of the Isle of Sheppey
Chatham: the dog sh*t splattered patio of the Garden of England
Twydall Estate, Gillingham: a delightful place to visit, but not on your own
Maidstone – The biggest moving mistake of my life
Gillingham: a quaint little sh*tehouse situated on the river Medway
Luton in Chatham is the festering cesspit of Medway
Sittingbourne, oh the joy