Hey everyone. My first submission so if it’s a bit crap I apologise, but I really wanted to put this up. There’s an area in Sheffield where I used to live, It’s called Shirecliffe. Not many people know where it is, even half the sheffielders I have talked to don’t know where it is, but should you ever be there, you will know.
Bearing in mind Shirecliffe is just up the hill from Pitsmoor, North Sheffielders may have by now figured out what this is going to come down to, but for those who don’t know about this area use this as a guide for surviving in Shirecliffe.
Survival Tips In Shirecliffe.
The first thing you will need to do is know when you cross the boundary of Shirecliffe. It’s usually once you get to the top of Shirecliffe Road, or up to the Springwood Home on Herries Road then start heading uphill. There is a sure fire way to know when you have reached Shirecliffe. You will be surrounded by a stampede of 10 year olds on BMX bikes, no matter the time of day or night. All these kids are well versed in the tongue of chavs and will attempt to run you down with their bikes, (kinda foolish like, since they tend to fall off attempting this).
Once you know you are in Shirecliffe you will need to keep your wits around you. Groups of between 10 to 30 Chavs, all late teenagers, or early twenties, (recognisable by the standard chav symbols) will be in various areas, the centre of this flood usually being the shops and parkwood school. Unless, absolutely neccessary these areas should be avoided, and never go there after dark.
A tip for before you set off, do not wear anything that would give you away as not being a chav, (unless you are at least 7ft tall and built like a pro wrestler). No skateboards, no black hoodies, no leather jackets etc. These will invite trouble, and a variety of large stones will be thrown your way, of which there is a steady supply due to the mass demolishion in the area. Even in a big group these chavs will still approach.
Keep your eyes and ears open. As said before, you need your wits about you. Following is a list ofsights and sounds you will hear around shirecliffe which will alert you to the presence of chavs.
1 A mass of people in tracksuits sitting on a wall outside a pub.
2 At least 5 empty bottles of White lightening Cider, possibly covered in puke.
3 Mopeds, tuned up to a grand total of 75bhp, which sound like super-bikes but are lucky to break 50mph.
4 Broken glass, wood or other building materials.
5 The classic chav car, a mini metro with a damn netto bean can superglued to the exhaust
1 Classic chav lines, in a Sheffield accent, such as “Gimiyafone!”, “”Buymisumfags” and “Akickedisfuckinedin!” All the above are usually proclaimed loud enough to be heard from a distance away, so there is ample warning.
2 Breaking glass, screaming, shouting.
The last tip I can give is to know the geopgraphy of Shirecliffe. The lower side of shirecliffe is surrounded by Shirecliffe Road and Longley Avenue West, and all the other roads lead to these roads. The only other way to Shirecliffe is to literally climb the cliff, into the back roads of Shirecliffe which are surprisingly safe compared to the rest of Shirecliffe. To perform this task however, you will need to be very skilled in climbing, river jumping and expenditure of large amounts of energy. Stealth tactics are also helpful going up the cliffs as the chavs occassionally infect the cliff, as do some of the local drug users and a variety of vicious dogs, including german shepherds and rottweilers.
If you plan to use the roads to enter and exit shirecliffe, in the daytime you should be ok, just be careful. After dark you will need to use ninja tactics. Also, if available, special equipment would be helpful. Night vision goggles and a hefty bat would be a serious advantage.
Good luck in your Shirecliffe adventure.