Selby boasts all the major attractions chavs adore, offers a large selection of narcotics for sale, and an extensive list of chav meeting places. A remarkable chav town……..in the Vale Of York.
Well, where to start? Selby, with its wonderful Abbey and close proximity to the major shopping centres of York and Leeds should be a mecca for the fine, upstanding middleclass non-chav.
However, in reality Selby boasts all the essential ingredients required to encourage chav culture, language, dress code, nutritional requirements and the eye for a bargain needed by the modern chav to remain true to their lifestyle.
Chav Guide to Selby – When you come out of prison, why not settle in Selby?
Chav Shops – Look the Part, get the stuff. Selby boasts a number of places any discernible chav will shop including Wilkinsons, Pound Stretcher, Cash Converters, Argos and soon a JJB Sports. With numerous bargain centres (notably Bensons Bargain Centre) the chav will always enjoy shopping for those essential items. Selby also boasts a weekly market, with various baseball caps and UV lights for sale.
Chav Housing – Where to live. There are numerous suitable areas to live in to be with fellow chavs. Try Abbotts Road Estate, Flaxley Road and New Millgate (all conveniently located near well stocked drug premises – more of later). Check the area first, ride round in the car you stole earlier to get a feel for the amount of single mothers, fast food joints and bargain booze shops available.
Further Education Options – Ask your Custody Sergeant about the local prisons, they will be pleased to offer you advice on how to gain entry.
Nights Out – A chav has to relax. Selby boasts an unparalled amount of poor, over-crowded, over-priced pubs. All respectable chavs start with a drink in the Blackamoor Head (the blackie) from which there are a number of bars which will interest you. Then on to the Legendary Club Seven. Club Seven is basically a character-less, sticky floored haven where you can meet mainly under 18’s needing a council flat. Or, for the mature chav, their is the “trendily small” Kanns nightclub, which boasts the most unfrendliest barstaff in town (many of whom are chavs). There are regular bouts of chav warfare both inside and outside these great drinking factories.
Nutrition – A chav got to eat, innit? Boasting the countries worst MacDonalds (official) Selby must score high on the quality of chav eating joints. There is the imaginatively named Golden Skewer and Selby Pizza for all your Kebab and Pizza needs. There are a number of bakeries springing up, for the chav in a rush, or sit down in Morrisons, discussing shoplifting techniques over a sprite.
Narcotics – A chav needs his gear, yeah. Selby boasts a number of well established, reliable drug hypermarkets. From weed to skunk, phet to pills, and smack to crack you can buy it all. Some dealers offer great part exchange offers for recently aquired goods.
I am sure you will agree that Selby is indeed a real centre of chav culture. An approximate estimate would be around 60% of young people are chavs, with a large population of 1st generation chavs and even older converts. A true chav will never feel alone in Selby.