Seaford, two words to sum up the town.. SH*T HOLE

Well… Seaford…2 words to sum up the town.. **** HOLE. Unfortunately i have the pleasure of living in this poor excuse of a town. This town has a resident population of about 1500 ****’s all attending the local in ‘special measures’ high school. ‘special measures’ says it all doesn’t it? (please note there are some 18+ ****’s in this town, a rarity i know).

The ****’s and ********’s are rarely seen in school and mainly seen congregating around the bench in grave yard in the centre of the town. They tend to hang around in groups of 15+ until a curfew was put on the ****’s , all ****’s 17 and under should be at home by 7pm and if seen in the town in groups of 2 or more escorted home to mummy and daddy where there’ll be given a £10 note, kicked out the door again and told to ‘**** off and leave them alone’.

The ***** congregate outside dunkies burger bar any day of the week on their mopeds that go no more that 30mph (my nan can walk faster than them things!) or also with their dog normally a bull terrier of some sort with a spike collar. Other places they like to meet are Down’s leisure centre car park and Roy’s off licence asking every passer by ‘oi m8 will ya get me 20 richmond super kings and 2L bottle of ***** lightning and meet us round the corner?’

How grim is your Postcode?

When the local ****’s reach about 15 they like to try their luck with getting in pubs normally pubs such as the hole in the wall or the crown and if their that desperate then the cinque ports, if their an older looking **** then they may even try their luck in the trek (what a **** hole that is) free entry what ever time you stumble in there (please note you have to seriously be ratarsed to even think about going in there!) buy 1 get 1 free before 12. The trek is normally resident to single over 40’s and old men who sleaze over young under age ********’s dressed in FMB’s (**** me boots), white **** skimming skirt and black low cut crop top with wonderbra stuffed with socks, also not forgetting the trademark fake Louis Vitton or Burberry handbag and bottle of blue WKD in one hand.

It’s alot easier for underage ********’s to get into the pubs in seaford as the bouncers let anything in wearing next to nothing and are willing to give em one in the alley next to the trek. If a **** wants to get into the trek they have to don their fake YSL shirt that their nan brought in a market in ibiza from a looky looky man, old school trousers and shoes and leave the trade mark TN hat and trainers @ home. If they have no luck they bunk the train or get on the 712 bus and go to  Newhaven and go to Big Libs (Liberties) where you pay £4 to get in or free before 11!! (who seriously gonna go their before 11? do these people have no lives?)

If a ******** has not be inpregnanted before they leave school they are named as an ‘infertile freak’ most ********’s have 3 kids by the time their 19 of course not all with the same bloke. Please note incest also occurs in this town as well as newhaven as everyone seems to be related some how.

****’s live in the area of lexden normally pitt drive or lexden drive also known as the ‘Ghetto’ most have 5 or more siblings all shacked up in a 3 bedroom house, mum or dad of course dont work and wait for the giro to come through every week so they can cash it in and the post office and go by the latest Mckenzie hoody or Nike TN’s in JD sports in brighton or off their dad’s mate Dave who sells it out the boot of his Blacked out Escort. Seaford is one of the many **** towns located on the south coast between Brighton and Eastbourne if i were you i wouldn’t bother even trying to find this place on the map…

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2022 as voted for by you