I make no secret of the fact I hate ch*vs- I live in Sandbach, I have reason to. Situated near scally-capital Crewe, Sandbach is the dumping ground for those not poor enough to afford a house in Cre….hold on, no-one buys a house in Crewe anyway. That settles it then, the ch*vs are here just to piss me off.
When I first moved here 18 months ago, I joked that there were more cows than people. Now I joke that we have more gun battles than Baghdad after the US-Army has a monster piss-up.
Introducing the first megalomanical group vying for control of Sandbach is… the Wheelock Bomb Squad! A group that strangely bases itself in a village where a gathering of more than two is unusual, they’re hardly bloody in-conspicuous; the ex-professions of this groups members range from ex-paper boys and disgruntled farm hands, given the level of intelligence these guys have. Likely weapons include rolled up copies of the Chronicle and long pieces of straw (to garrote un-fortunate lamposts).
And the second army? Ch*vs brave enough to go against the might of the countryside ch*vs club? The Sandbach Bastards Group…..- sounds like the name of a Goldie Lookin’ Chain album doesn’t it? As you can tell, these lot do not study amateur physics inbetween robbing. Instead they like to hang around the local shop waiting for someone to buy them matches (because they’re so ickle mummy’s boys!). But matches….suprisingly, given their cavemen-like looks, they haven’t yet learnt to rub sticks and stones together to make almightly fire. Even my girlfriend told three of them to “piss off” on her own, and they ran off with their heads held in shame. And they were dealing skunk; not the drug, but the animal. Probably still trying to get high off the **** fumes as we speak….
by St*Aidee (http://spaces.msn.com/members/st-aidee)