Back in 1999, I went to ‘The University of Salford’ and had the misfortune of living in Castle Irwell, the Student village. What a dump.
Leaky roofing, dodgy stairs, cracks in the wall, tiny beds, filthy kitchens, Jobsworth staff (a small, fat fella and a tall skinny bloke, who just screams out as being a raging **** who loves wearing gimp masks). All of this from University accomodation, and for the princley some of £40! This place is surrounded by 10foot high security fencing, to keep the locals out. However, they bypass this by threatening the papier-mache security guards to let them in.
To top it all off, it’s set on the edge of Lower Broughton, a place so rough that after 10pm, the cops won’t go there. If an ambulance is called on, TWO armed response units go: one to stay with the ambulance; one to go with the Paramedics and look at the ‘victim’. Every night, bang on eight o’clock (you could set your watch by it, I kid you not) two police vans would go screaming past the compound gates, over the nearby bridge and off towards Cheetham.
One night, there was a hell of a racket outside, with the cops racing around the streets chasing this car. I later found out that a group of scroats(*****) had inadverantly stolen an unmarked cop car. On realising this, they decided to pinch a real cop car, to stage their own car chase. Apparently, the locals were pissing themselves listening, on their radio scanners, to these lads abusing each other over the Police comms system.
A final word of advice: don’t go in any of the local pubs. I made this mistake on my first night in digs. Ventured in a delightful place called the ‘Prince of Wales’. Full of scroats, eyes instantly trained to **** the moment I walked in the door. Persevering, I waited at the lounge bar for a drink. The barman came through and told me, ever so politely, that I’d have to move through to the Vault, as he ‘wasn’t gonnna walk back and forth all fookin night servin me’. Suffice to say, I made a swift exit.
The only saving grace for this ******** is the fantastic Donner Kebabs from Broughton Balti. £2 and full of meat of unknown origin, a nice hot chilli sauce and virtually no salad. And they do excellent curries too.