welcome all to the biggest crime ******** ******** of all time, yes this is salford the town so famous for being a a **** meca that they made the program shameless to take the piss out of the locals. facts on this town are – the biggest concentration of rubber souled sports shoes in the world – more cheep gold that all of aldins cave.
if one is to be spending time in our lovely **** haven of the north listen and take heed, for males the uniform is as followed, during the daytime one is to wear only the finest of jjb sports attire this includes you 3 stripe track suit bottom, sporting t-shirt of one’s choice, sporting hoody and lets not forget the matching accessories such as mobile phones (usually stolen) and giro books (a hit with all the toothless ladys). of the evening one is to report to the local watering hole in nothing other than rockport shoes, black pants and a delightful checked shirt or ben sherman. chat up lines are as followed ” do you know ow much benefit i get luv” “shut it *****”
for the lady there is also a dress or should i say belt code, for the day you have a choice of sportswear or ur rather fitting Burberry **** suits let us not for get to wear one’s name tags around the neck on ur chain or on ones ears. of an evening the dress code simplifies to what ever shows the lower part of ones **** even if ur a 22 stone mother of 3 its all equal opportunities. chat up line include “yes this bump is ur fault” “will you go in for my bear mate” and lets not forget the killer “go on stick it in”
i hope this is of aid to whoever is trying to blend in to this delightful habitat but do remember if you not a perant
of 3 children before you reach 20 you may stand out.