Sale: a town yet to discover that a used dorito packet does not constitute contraception.

Three things make Sale the place it is: the people, the town centre and the schools. Beggining with the people, one can easily understand why people lock their doors when driving from one end of washway road to another. The boys find lacoste shell suits from the back of a b-wise truck to be the height of fashion when accompanied by an oversized casio and some form of rockport. Their sidekick girl (aka chantell, charlene, ashleigh, maxine, chazzoh, karloh etc) come equipped with their wythenshawe-facelift-inducing side pony-tails. Preferring to don a drawstring AllSports plastic bag, with some assortment of “Von Dutche”. When united, one can truly abandon the use of words.

The town centre (otherwise known as HQ) is the bustling cosmopolitan backbone of the town. Comprising not only wilkinsons and Pound Land, but also the discounted delights of select seconds, help the aged and farmfoods. A direct quote from a local hairdresser when my accomplice sat to have her hair cut “do you want an ashtray luv?”. Sums it up really. The stench of Greggs and the butcher (who manages to avoid the most simple stands of health and safety) are dominant from one end of the ‘precinct’ to another.

How grim is your Postcode?

Not wishing to dwell on retail, we should now progress onto education. There are fine establishments dedicated to the correct metriculation of the youth of Sale. Ashton-upon-mersey students are amoungst the brightest in Trafford, some boasting upto 2 GCSE’s. Others are satisfied with standing in roads and staring at incomming traffic. However, the school has comphensated for this health and safety hazard by equipping each teen with their own maroon and yellow blazer.

In summary, Sale is a town boasting a 24 hour Nail Bar next to a leisure centre with a 2 person sauna. The biggest excitement of recent years has been the “regeneration” of the previously mentioned precinct area. “fair enough” I hear you retort, afterall, my description hardly painted a desireable picture. Incorrect. I was describing post-rejuvination (and supercigs i may add) Sale. Rejuvination in essence meant a 10 foot gate which closes at 9pm to keep the select clientelle of the HogsHead out. Need I say anymore?

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