Saffron Walden, unlikely candidate

East AngliaEssex

Saffon Walden, lying near the Essex / Cambridgeshire border, was recently labelled the best place to live in Britain. It is indeed a pleasant town… until dusk.

This remnant of Olde England is now heavily polluted by *****, who take over the town’s pubs and cause such trouble at chucking-out time that the local police (all two of them) turn out in force.

The Fighting Temeraire, a pub named after Turner’s classic painting, was renamed “The Temeraire” out of embarrassment of the owners, alchopop-pushers Wetherspoons.

Favourite haunt of the ***** and oiks is the ABC burger bar, a dismal place run by people of questionable nationality. On Saturday nights, even if blood hasn’t been shed, the street outside is left with enough litter to fill a warship.

Aggression levels are not helped by the presence of squaddies from nearby Carver Barracks. But even they are no match for the local **** when fully lagered.

After a lardburger from the ABC they go and breed on the Common.

And to think… this is “THE BEST PLACE TO LIVE IN BRITAIN”.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020