Saffon Walden, lying near the Essex / Cambridgeshire border, was recently labelled the best place to live in Britain. It is indeed a pleasant town… until dusk.
This remnant of Olde England is now heavily polluted by *****, who take over the town’s pubs and cause such trouble at chucking-out time that the local police (all two of them) turn out in force.
The Fighting Temeraire, a pub named after Turner’s classic painting, was renamed “The Temeraire” out of embarrassment of the owners, alchopop-pushers Wetherspoons.
Favourite haunt of the ***** and oiks is the ABC burger bar, a dismal place run by people of questionable nationality. On Saturday nights, even if blood hasn’t been shed, the street outside is left with enough litter to fill a warship.
Aggression levels are not helped by the presence of squaddies from nearby Carver Barracks. But even they are no match for the local **** when fully lagered.
After a lardburger from the ABC they go and breed on the Common.
And to think… this is “THE BEST PLACE TO LIVE IN BRITAIN”.