The unmistakeable sound of a 15 year old at a train station throwing up at gone 2am, drowning out the noise in the distance of a £70 ford fiesta with 2 grand’s worth of modifications on it pushing the engine to 8000 rpm out of a 24 inch exhaust…. Welcome to Romford, The absolute s**t hole of southern England. They’re appearing everywhere and seem to be taking over the world, ‘chavs’ is what we call them and there’s many ways to spot them especially in Romford.
#1. The baseball cap: What on earth is this s**t about? A piece of well… ‘material’ put together by some clever American chap for baseball players to keep the sun out of their eyes when they’re batting the ball, Somewhere along the line these absolute plebs thought it was just a must have accessory.
#2. The language: This is going to differ from chav to chav depending on the accent of whichever part of the country they’re from but none the less they all have a universal fucktard sound about them. This generally includes adding the word ‘well’ before every word in some attempt to emphasize what they’re saying. Around Romford this generally equates to the saying ‘im well ‘ard’ or ‘im well ‘avin it mate’. I don’t know why the f*****g idiots speak like this but it could be down to two reasons, 1. They left school at 9 years old cause ‘it was well gay init’. Or while visiting their father in prison they picked it up there or something. If the latter is true at least they’ll be prepared when they go in there themselves for benefit fraud.
#3. The Alcohol and Drugs: As far as I can recollect I never went through a stage in my life where my sole ambition was to ‘get well bladdered’ every night of the week, or so f*****g out of my skull on some fucked up drug that makes me feel my head has been injected with morphine. If the fools want to get high and drunk it wouldn’t be so bad but the retards have to then proceed to destroy any equipment in their local park, write on any wall or bus shelter about which little slag they’re humping this week…then have some kind of f*****g competition as to ‘who can shout the loudest’? Or ‘How many people can we wake up at 2 am’?
Final thoughts, to put a fine point on it… If you’re a chav I hope you die. I hope you wake up one morning with a cock stuck to your head because at least you’ll be thinking what everyone else already thinks about you… Yes, nobody thinks your cool, Infact you’re a worthless piece of s**t that needs to get a job, get some dress sense, get some real friends and for Christ sake get a F*****G LIFE YOU IMBECILE!!! Those trousers do not look cool half way up your leg, you infact look like a f*****g knob. I have already made a promise to myself that the first chav to even so much as look at me funny is going to get the biggest kick up the arse that your daddy never gave you. I hope oh god I hope you try and fight back because mark my f*****g words your worthless ass better like hospital food.