Ringwood (Ringworm/Ringpiece)

Small town on the way to Bournemouth. Although thought to be on the edge of the New Forest and therefore a wealthy area, the **** element still manages to breed with a vengeance under the noses of the normal townsfolk.

Particular hangouts for the Kappa crew are as follows:-

Blockbuster car park:- tens of vehicles parade around the streets of this quiet town on a Friday usually Corsa’s with ridiculous unpainted bodykits parts that even with a paint job devalue the car. Young chavvies/jides/kiars hang around here friday night scaring incoming traffic from the main road. Usually seen stood around (even in the pissing rain) drinking white lightning etc. Latest experience saw an old Nissan Micra driving down the main high street nudging his mates car in front down the road whilst beeping and generally being a f***wit.

How grim is your Postcode?

One Stop (Poulner): Once again the PAAAAAAARNER crew hang around this area similar to the Blockbuster crew. Due to the homage to all small shops such as One Stop, Londis, Happy Shopper etc (why are all these shops near main council estates?) Luckily One Stop is now being changed to a small Tesco in an attempt to rid Poulner of its filth element.

Typical estates of **** in Ringwood and Poulner:

Merryweather Estate (pronounced MerryWevvverrrrr): worst **** of Poulner

Wessex Estate: Wesssax Estaite a suburb of the above

Hurst Road: Im sure the ***** here have webbed feet etc. INTERBREEDING CENTRAL!

Queensway: For the discerning upper class ****!

Pubs / Clubs of the ****:

The Original White Hart Inn (pronounced Why Tart?): Once supposedly the hostelry in which royalty (former king) had stayed to hunt the Original White Hart in the Forests surrounding Ringwood. Now a place for all you can drink dinlo’s on a Friday til Sunday night 48 hour drinking marathon. This intertwined with the Red Rooms nightclub just next door and Keskins and Venice Burger and general HEADMEAT takeaways makes every Ringwood ***** weekend a real treat.

Red Rooms: 3 FLOORS OF UNDULTERATED CHEAPNESS!, this place makes the clubs and bars mentioned in Bournemouth look like an oasis! You can tell the quality by the plastic sign tied to the front if the doorway (must have cost 20 quid) and by the quality of Bouncer (usually a bunch of big ***** who never got real jobs in Ringwood or Nearby Verwood (SUPER **** SUBURB OF RINGWOOD STAY AWAY!!!!!!!). Lucky to get around 50 people on a Saturday night the usual ******* either spend time chewing there faces off to the worst Dj’s ever created. Luckily the 3rd floor is never used in order to keep the **** element from increasing further!

Other Pubs include: The Lamb (for the older *****), Inn on the Furlong (located next to the bus stops and next to Morrisons (what a surprise!), Snooker Club(for cheap booze and snooker/pool, unfortunately you have to be a member to get in OH BOO F***ING HOO!)

Other things that annoy me in Ringwood: **** Girls using a can of Hairspray to stick there hair to there heads dead flat or make there curls look as awaful as razor wire. ***** freaks without a home who park there bike up in Ringwood whilst drinking old thumper (from Ringwood Brewery!)at 10 am in the morning and listening to there radio selotaped to there old bike nestled in there bin liners of worldly goods!

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2022 as voted for by you