Written by Anonymous. Posted in North West

The traditional chav has little money, only what he/she can cheat from the benefits system. They have no education, even if they did attend playschool. In the world of chav, contraception has not been invented, in fact in would seem that neither has fatherhood.
For some wannabe chavers, this lifestyle may be a bit too extreme for their desires to live like a chav. They want to be a chav, but they want to do it somewhere their mum and dad can give them as much money as they want. They don’t want to live in a council house, and only want one or two teenage pregnancies. I give you……..Poulton-Le-Fylde.
Poulton-le-fylde can be found just 2 miles outside chav capital, Blackpool, which may explain the interest these plebs have in the way of the chav. Just on the border of poulton/blackpool the infamous council estate, grange park can be found. It is widely believed that the first chav was spawned here by the affair between the founders of what is known today as JJB sports and burberry. Somesay that infact a third party, known only as N.O.V.A. also donated their DNA to this disaster. Grange park is the mecca of chavs and a true chav must visit this place to truly appreciate the way of the chav.
It also serves a benfit fot the chavs in poulton. It allows these chavs to visit a true chav wasteland, and yet still run away when they are scared and jump back into their nice beds, in their nice houses which they moved into when their mums remarried.
Poulton just isn’t made for chavs, they are not even true chavs themselves, although I have heard some of the grange park species can be found lurking the town centre at night hoping to convert some of the poulton chavs. This usually involves an unwanted child being produced or an inititation process known as window smashing. It serves no purpose but shows the grange parkers that those who smash the window, have great stength and wisdom.
When it comes to future life decisions many poulton chavs realise the way forward, and try the college life or enter an apprenticship. This results in a low average age for the poultoin chav would explain why the average chav has as much pubic hair as a pornstar.
Thr drink of choice for the poulton chav is the ever so popular ‘cider’ which can be bought from the local bargin booze. The chavs then congregate and drink their beverages on the local church grounds, usually sitting on the gravespots, how respective of them. A popular sport among the chavs is to hurl random abuse at random people, and them for some reason they all seem to engage in the 500m sprint in the opposite direction, sometimes in the middle of their abuse hurling. This technique shows an inexperienced chav, and the only result is ‘OI, YYOOOOUUU, ……(w****r).’
The only benefit from these poulton chavs, is that they are usually in bed by ten o’clock (on mummy’s orders) or even earlier in exam time.
I have proposed to the local council that an effective way to get rid if these chavs is to increase the price of a can of cider over the two pound threshold, which is the chavs weekly pocket money. This lack of can of cider, will make it unable for the poulton chav to get rat faced, and as a result may result in a decrease in their bravery, which may cause a demise in the local sport of random abuse hurling. This will leave the wannabe chav with two options. They can get a life, or they can migrate to grange park, where they will die or become a local sex slave.

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