A Sunny Seaside resort located in the heart of South Wales…
Home to one of the biggest caravan parks in Europe, And a “nice, quiet lil’ town to retire in”..
Porthcawl, for many years, has been a “jewel” in the Welsh crown..
However, as we all know.. Nothing lasts forever..
A new darkness threatens this peacefull paradise…
Located at a strategic point between Cardiff, Swansea, Bridgend, Pyle, Port Talbot, Baglan and Newport, The invasion of Porthcawl by the dark hoardes of “Chav” has begun..
There are several “Chav” Stomping grounds in Porthcawl where normal life is being Defiled by this growing wart on the anus of humanity..
Coney Beach Fairground:-
Porthcawl supports an “upper class” of Chav who claim Benifits by day, but by night can earn there penny’s by manning the rides at this fair cunningly disguised as a “good place for a family day out”.
If you look closely however, You will see the tell
tale signs of “Chavness” hidden in the empty Cider Flagons and condom packets whitch decorate the seedy corners and beach head of this place, You will also see an abundence of teenage “Chavettes”
who work here, and if you feel daring enough to try and engage one in a civilised manner of conversation, You will soon learn that for 6 bottles of assorted alchopop and 10 Lambert, You could be unfortunate enough to own your very own “Pet Chav” for the rest of the evening.. or, in all likelyhood.. until she steals your wallet..
Porthcawl Fair is also a gathering ground for Chavs and Chavettes of all ages looking to find a chav of the opposite sex to “Multiply” with…
Truely.. a dangerous thought.. Darwin would turn
in his grave if he knew how this segment of mankind was devolving..
Bewere of this activity, as if you jump into the Chav Gene pool, You will break your nose as it is barely ankle deep…
Trecco Bay Holiday Resort :-
Trecco bay is laughingly called a holliday resort, but in truth is just an oversized caravan park
with an amusement arcade, and a couple of pubs in the middle, i think the deciding factor in calling it a “Resort” is its heavily over chlorinated pool, and the fact you can buy a pint of lager with a credit card…
Trecco Bay seems to attract Young Chavette mums from all areas of south wales..
Its a place where They can bring there “Chav-2-Be” Offspring to Educate them in the Chav arts of descending to the dregs of society..
Chavs of all ages come here from miles around to mingle with other chavs from other towns, Hence
increase there chavness and curse the world with more vile ways to be Chav.
Observation of this place will show the “Valley Chav” who typically has more fingers than braincells, Who thinks “Brainstorming” is a type of Cider, And if he ever wanted a Circumscision, all he’d have to do is get someone to kick his sister in the chin. The “Valley Chav” Typically shouts, Shrows empty bottles, Has his sisters name tatooed on his arm, and is generally considdered to be such a low life, that if he ever climed out of the gutter, it would be such an ascent, he would have a nosebleed..
The over chlorinated Swimming pool on site is a placed used as a “bathing spot” for many chavs..
This can be a dangerous place however, Many chavs are excelent swimmers as some still retain the slightly webbed fingers & toes they were born with.. obviously a close family attribute formed from chav familys being “Very Close” (if you know what i mean..)
The “Local Londis” on Site, And “Bargain Booze” just down the road keep this chav army fuel’d with
Cider, Meths, Screenwash and whatever else theese animals drink.. As everyone knows.. an army marches on its stomach..
John Street :-
This is a haunt for many young chavs and chavettes with an average age of 14, Walk down this road any dark night and you will see the gangs of chavs staring at each other, trying to “evil eye” the other gang into giving up control of the band stand there providing some shelter to these ferral, instinctive creatures.. occasionally, gangs will drift to the local “Spar” or “victoria wines” to spit at locals or ask them to buy Fags & Booze to fuel there dispicable, unmentionable nightime activitys..
Then Spit at them..
With an empty sommerfield car park near by and plenty alleys and backroads here, it truely is a place rife with infestation.
If you are ever mugged by a gang of 14 year old chavs with a collective IQ of 32…
Chances are you were near John Street.
Newton Green :-
Newton is porthcawls Quiet area, However, Many secrets lie in this deceptively tranquall place..
When you walk to the green past the ancient, green, chav monument whitch is cunninly disguised as a Pre-War bus shelter, first thing you will think as you feel the stinging in your eyes and the burning in your lungs is that Saddam Hussein has escaped and launched his Chemical Arsenal at the Western World, You will soon realise hovwever, it is the stench of Chav piss that sourounds this monument like an aura of evil.
If you venture further down this green, you will most likely hear the howls of dark chav mating rituals being performed in the nearby graveyard..
Also, in the dark, unlit play park nearby, you might see the shadows of chavs & chavettes dosed up on alchohol chasing each other trying to persuede each other to go for a frollic in the graveyard..
Nearby there is also an all boys school, and an all girls school, Providing fuel for the local chav infestation where im sure several contraventions of the “Geneva Convention against cruel and unusual punishment acts” are being performed..
Its a War…
A War without End..
Porthcawl, given its strategic location in wales,
Abundence of Chav Resources, and a very gypsie style carava… oops.. i mean “holiday resort”
and 52… YES!! 52 PUBS!!!
is a town where the vanguard of a Chav invasion will commence…
mark my words… its a dark day for all mankind…