Pontypridd is probably the focalpoint of c**v activity in the South Wales valleys due to it being a convergence point of several valleys. The younger c**v element of the area frequent a number of locations, the first of which being Ponty station, where I can personally vouch for the main steps being littered with spilt trays of gravy and chips, empty Carling cans and fags/roachs on a Monday morning. And maybe the odd puddle of sick. Another prime c**v-spotting location is the Precinct (worst shopping centre in Wales) where they hang around en masse, drinking, smoking (including bongs), and eating chips. Other uses of the precinct include handbrake turns in Fiestas and Novas. The precinct also has the advantage of having several chippies opposite should they want to purchase chips, a kebab, or just call the guy in the kebab shop a “fuckin p**i” even though he’s lived in Ponty for longer than they’ve been alive.
Now, Ponty has the distinct c**v advantage of having a twice weekly market – Saturdays and another day during the week. I forget which day because I HAVE A JOB and am unable to visit on a weekday. Not that I would. Anyway, Ponty market is one of those c**v-heaven kind of places where you can blow your giro on a designer real leather handbag for a fiver, or similarly a bright orange solid gold sovreign/three feathers (Welsh c***s only) ring for a tenner. Another of my personal favourite c**v emporiums in Ponty is “Supercigs”. Can you guess what they sell? That’s right – Lambert’s (c**v catchphrase – “10 Lambutt, Butt”), Mayfair and Richmonds at low, low prices.
For the older c**v, drinking establishments to frequent include Angharad’s, much akin to youth club on weekends, where a selection of c***s sporting Yankees hats and gold chains can often be seen through the window playing pool and/or crowding round the bandit (fruit machine if you’re not local). Angharad’s also allows the c***s to bring in their 13 year old c******e “girlfriends” who apparently think they look 18 because they’ve got 2 inches of orange makeup on their faces. Other c**v drinking houses include the all new Wetherspoon’s (a c**v mecca country-wide), Kudos (the only place open after 11, hence queues half a mile long after 10 o’clock, populated by boys with checked shirts and girls with short skirts and those stupid f*****g Eskimo boots). Also there’s Silk’s which attracts the c**v by way of pumping out extremely loud, extremly s**t dance music all night.
Welcome to Ponty!