Living in Pontypool, Wales
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Monmouthshire, Wales

Pontypool, a once proud town, was built on the blood, sweat and tears of our ancestors. They worked tirelessly in the mines and Ironworks to forge a community to be proud of. They gave us work men’s halls, libraries, schools and hospitals. Unfortunately things didn’t quite pan out as they planned. Thatcher ripped the industry from the valleys, leaving very few jobs in the area.

Pontypool council, ever fearful of being trumped by Thatcher, decided to finish the job that she started by systematically ripping the town apart. They knocked down the hospitals, built by our fore fathers, and shut down the schools that educate our children. They charge extortionate business rates to make sure that the town centre stays empty with no opportunity for improvement or jobs.

All these factors have made Pontypool a perfect breeding environment for ‘The Chav’. Having observed these creatures for the last 40 years or so, I consider myself somewhat of an expert on these ‘life forms’. The first thing you will notice about the Chav is the strict dress code they adhere to. Usually clad in the latest designs from ‘Sports Direct’, or if it’s a really special occasion (Birthday, Funeral, Court appearance) possibly something from ‘Newlook’ or ‘George’ at ‘Asda’.

The female Chav can sometimes be spotted at the school gate adorned in her pyjamas and slippers. Typically with a cigarette hanging from her mouth as she shrieks at little ‘Jaiden-Jordan-Paighton-Lee-Monella’ to stop being such a poff or she’ll come and batter them. Female Chavs have many partners and most Chav offspring will have at least 6-7 fathers in their lifetime, along with a swarm of half brothers & sisters.

Chavs favour large litters of children with a seemingly unshakable belief that they are best left to roam the streets as soon as they are able to walk. Indeed when most of the drug dealers and low-lifes in the area frequent your house I imagine that that the streets are by far the safer option. Chavs of Pontypool, prefer to settle in Trevethin, but as their numbers have increased they can often be observed in other areas. They enjoy meeting up in their free time (when they aren’t at the probation office or stealing) in local car parks in their pimped up rides or if its giro day a trip to Weatherspoons helps to break up the week.

Older Chavs have usually left their criminal ways behind them and settled down into a life on disability. They can be spotted easily as their disability cars are tripped out with spoilers and body kits. They often tell others of how they worked tirelessly in their youth, but on closer inspection this usually means they worked for a week in Woolworths in 1983 whilst on probation. Chavs seem particularly vulnerable to back problems and other medical illness which are hard to cure (or prove). Probably from a life time spent crawling into other people’s garages and carry heavy loads of stolen goods. Astoundingly these illnesses do not in any way impede on other aspects of the Chavs social life or activities.

Pontypool Chavs are particularly aggressive and easy to anger. They often exhibit this aggression when confronted. Cries of ‘Wha tha f*k yo lookin at’ and ‘I’m gonna f*k yo right up!’ Seem to be a favourite. These are frequently aimed at persons smaller or more vulnerable than the Chav, unless they are in a pack.

The code of the Chav seems quite simplistic. Number 1) Hate the police (or Po Po as they like to call them) and number 2) don’t be a grass. This code is subject to change on any given day. Apart from that anything seems to be acceptable. Want to shag your brothers mrs? That’s fine. Don’t feel like bringing up your own kids? Totally optional. Seen your neighbour with something that you want? Go ahead and steal it, that’s absolutely fine. Who the f**k do they think they are anyway?

In essence Pontypool used to be an illustrious town, set in a picturesque South Wales Valley. It is now largely populated by marauding, brain dead Chavs. The decent people of the town are being pushed out and diluted by this sickness. There is no hope. Do not come.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2018
  • Sarah

    This is nothing but ridiculing the poorest in society. In an area devoid of jobs and education is it any surprise that people are poor and uneducated? There’s nothing of merit or even vauguely comedic about this article it’s just pot shots at a generation of people left stranded by an unfair system and making the best of a bad lot in life. Being of this generation and living in one the poorest boroughs in Wales, I sympathise with those people many of whom are my friends who weren’t able to have the benifit of the education I have been lucky enough to have.

  • Charles Richardson

    It’s partially of our own doing Joan as you see quite often Ponty people stood queuing in the Benefits office or at the food banks complaining about how bad things are and the fact that things don’t get any better and then in the same breath saying ” I’m voting Labour as me Dad and me Dad’s Dad voted Labour ” which means that Labour see this area as a done deal and treat it with the contempt they feel it deserves but it’s not all bad as this apathy to the voter means that the area isn’t considered important enough for Corbyn to canvas here at election time.

  • Rachel Bevan

    Clearly, comments criticising these ‘articles’ aren’t welcome.

  • Rachel Bevan

    I also note the author didn’t have the guts to put his name to this piece.

    • Miranda Pender

      I suspect most of the pieces are written by the same person. The vocabulary, spelling mistakes, and sentence construction (or lack thereof!) are all remarkably similar. I wouldn’t take any of these ‘reviews’ seriously, but they’re quite amusing.

  • Joan Hammond

    So sad your once great town is another victim of political neglect. When the Olympics were brought to Newham, we were promised it would transform the borough! Absolute rubbish! It made a wee corner of it too expensive for people to live in sonthe council chucked them out to get the wealthy foreign investors interested. The rest of Newham has been allowed to rot! If Pontypool hadn’t been ruined and neglected it wouldn’t be like it is, but don’t rely on any politician to make things better – they’re too busy with their own ambitions to focus on what the good people of your town elected them for.