I have had the misfortune to have to live and work in this godforsaken,burberry ********,****** ******** for 12 years now!
Where shall I start,I originally come from near manchester which I admit,has a significant **** element.There is only one major difference that truly sets Plymouth apart though..the ***** in Plymouth ARE thick as ****.chavdom for a janner in Keyham(Plymouth) starts at the age of 10 where they start guarding the entrance to the costcutter like a gang of rabid meercats in baseball caps,although they try to effect a ‘Gangsta’accent,they find this especially difficult because they speak ******* janner anyway.The ‘burrrds’ start at the same age,bright orange faces,ponytails exhorting 250lbs psi pressure on their scalp,aloready ‘boasting’how many times they’ve been raped!!!By the age of 14,most janner ***** are well known to the police and social services,they are already regulars at ”dance academys”(note the ‘s’ is added on the end)where they sniff poppers and drop E’s.Acting hard is a must for a janner **** but having led a life fed on KFC and ‘paasties’they rarely have the bodymass to pull this off.This is especially amusing when confronted by a gang of E’d up ***** because it’s a fine opportunity to **** 5 of them in a one-er!We also have the ‘chavelry’-18-20yr olds WHO STILL THINK ITS COOL TO RIDE A BMX OR SKATEBOARD!!!!,as ive said,they are thick as ****.Its impossible to make any purchase in a Plymouth shop in under 15mins on a lottery day,swarms of *****,generations of them!gather using primevil instincts and descend on the shops of Plymouth where after taking 10 mins to actually realise what the **** they are doing there in the first place decide to put on their ‘lotteries’.This is especially painful because the shop assistants are ***** also and dont have the IQ to work the till until a supervisor comes along and shows them.
One major **** area in Plymouth is St Budeaux,here the burrds are mothers by the age of 14-15,often having kids to multiple fathers (its a wonderful life)A strict area-wide babysitting roster is adhered to in order to enable the burrds to go down to Jesters 5 nights a week in the hope of getting pregnant by a Matelot and thus securing more benefits and **** kudos.*All **** buurrds in Plymouth (98%female population of Plymouth) will,within the first week of a relationship tell you either a)their last boyfriend was a drug dealer and knocked her around b)She has been raped c)her last boyfriend raped her d)she has attempted suicide e)all of the above.Getting engaged is expected after 6 weeks of ***** starting to shag each other.All janner chavbirds have aspirations of studying ‘childcare’ at Plymouth college,one major drawback-due to having to leave school aged 14 to care for their own babies,they cannot ******* write!
**** lads in Plymouth have several major ambitions,the main one is to be a happy ‘ardcore DJ at Acadamies,also either working for taxi-fast or any fast food outlet,the latter is more taxing for the Janner ***** due to the fact that the Turkish illegal immigrants, who cant speak English,have the edge on them!!
To summarise,Plymouth is a cancerous polyp on the **** of Devon,the locals dont have the intelligence to run their own town so the armed forces have to provide the economy.The best (and most amusing) way to survive a stint in Plymouth is to observe a zero-tolerance policy on any visible chavness…Burberry+BMX or skateboard =****=just **** the ****** anyway!!!