I have had the misfortune to have to live and work in this godforsaken,burberry infested,inbred s******e for 12 years now!
Where shall I start,I originally come from near manchester which I admit,has a significant chav element.There is only one major difference that truly sets Plymouth apart though..the chavs in Plymouth ARE thick as f**k.chavdom for a janner in Keyham(Plymouth) starts at the age of 10 where they start guarding the entrance to the costcutter like a gang of rabid meercats in baseball caps,although they try to effect a ‘Gangsta’accent,they find this especially difficult because they speak f*****g janner anyway.The ‘burrrds’ start at the same age,bright orange faces,ponytails exhorting 250lbs psi pressure on their scalp,aloready ‘boasting’how many times they’ve been raped!!!By the age of 14,most janner chavs are well known to the police and social services,they are already regulars at ”dance academys”(note the ‘s’ is added on the end)where they sniff poppers and drop E’s.Acting hard is a must for a janner chav but having led a life fed on KFC and ‘paasties’they rarely have the bodymass to pull this off.This is especially amusing when confronted by a gang of E’d up chavs because it’s a fine opportunity to twat 5 of them in a one-er!We also have the ‘chavelry’-18-20yr olds WHO STILL THINK ITS COOL TO RIDE A BMX OR SKATEBOARD!!!!,as ive said,they are thick as f**k.Its impossible to make any purchase in a Plymouth shop in under 15mins on a lottery day,swarms of chavs,generations of them!gather using primevil instincts and descend on the shops of Plymouth where after taking 10 mins to actually realise what the f**k they are doing there in the first place decide to put on their ‘lotteries’.This is especially painful because the shop assistants are chavs also and dont have the IQ to work the till until a supervisor comes along and shows them.
One major chav area in Plymouth is St Budeaux,here the burrds are mothers by the age of 14-15,often having kids to multiple fathers (its a wonderful life)A strict area-wide babysitting roster is adhered to in order to enable the burrds to go down to Jesters 5 nights a week in the hope of getting pregnant by a Matelot and thus securing more benefits and chav kudos.*All chav buurrds in Plymouth (98%female population of Plymouth) will,within the first week of a relationship tell you either a)their last boyfriend was a drug dealer and knocked her around b)She has been raped c)her last boyfriend raped her d)she has attempted suicide e)all of the above.Getting engaged is expected after 6 weeks of chavs starting to shag each other.All janner chavbirds have aspirations of studying ‘childcare’ at Plymouth college,one major drawback-due to having to leave school aged 14 to care for their own babies,they cannot f*****g write!
Chav lads in Plymouth have several major ambitions,the main one is to be a happy ‘ardcore DJ at Acadamies,also either working for taxi-fast or any fast food outlet,the latter is more taxing for the Janner chavs due to the fact that the Turkish illegal immigrants, who cant speak English,have the edge on them!!
To summarise,Plymouth is a cancerous polyp on the anus of Devon,the locals dont have the intelligence to run their own town so the armed forces have to provide the economy.The best (and most amusing) way to survive a stint in Plymouth is to observe a zero-tolerance policy on any visible chavness…Burberry+BMX or skateboard =chav=just twat the fucker anyway!!!