Ok so the plymouths chav nation is now in full bloom. Its not hard to blend in with the chavs here but there are a few basic requirements;
1. Knowing common chav language:
“gan down warner” (local cinima and bowling complex) “fuckin lookin at me?!?” “aite bay?” “Fuckin startin a ya?!?” and the all time classic “innit bay”
2. Having no sense of direction unless in a pack of 15+:
Ok so your a chav, walking down the street all alone someone looks at you (WOW major insult to plymouth chavs) You do nothing! not yet anyway…. you keep walking till you find your m8`s hanging around a mophead thats been chaved to the limit! (coke bottles painted black with NOS sprawled them ducktaped to the side of the bike.) You gather your “crew” and march in formation towards the punk who so rudely looked at you. Upon finding the culprit you instinctivly beat them to a pulp then march off down the local for an alco pop…..
You must have all dance, techno, base, hip hop, rap and r&b related anthems dating back to the 90`s and speakers that could blow walls open, placed neatly in the back of your car.
4. Clothing checklist.
1 burbury cap
2 fred perry jumpers (blue and white stripes)
1 burbury scarf
1 bomber jacket (extra padded for musculer effect)
27 pairs of calvin cline boxers (for the times you s**t yourself when walking alone in the street)
1 pair of cheap jjb`s sports shoes.
2 pairs of kappa socks ( who needs to wash clothes eh?)
1 cheap bottle of asda deodrent and aftershave.
1 wallet containg: fake id, fake bus pass, 1 condom (just incase she fancys a change) lock pick and a few rusty coppers.
5. Accessories required:
2 5lb gold neck chains
1 fake rolex (you tell everyone it was £300)
1 3lb gold wrist chain
1 bootleg mobile you got from a m8`s sisters friend
Ok congratulations your now a fully qualified plymouth chav. Go be free! join a swarm, wreek havok on the normal people of this world, because its what you do best……
Things to look out for when in Plymouth
1. Swamped chav hang out points:
Onestop (plymstock) radford, The Broadway (at night) Town (as far as the eye can see) lidl`s (town and plymstock stores). All pubs, bars and anywhere dispensing alcahol.
2. Mating chavs:
Some chavs like it o`natural as you will see if you take a strole into radford dip on a warm summers night (not recomended without a firearm of some sort.)
3. Fast food:
How many fast food resturants can we fit into 1 small city?….. that must have been the opening line in the plymouth city development scheme some time back as there is not a corner to be turned in this city without seeing a macdonalds or kfc sign sticking out a wall in full view…..
4. Ho Ho Ho……
Milbay docks and Union street….. nuff said…….
5. The burbury sea:
Stop rubbing your eyes its not going to change what you are seeing, start beliving!!!! this is no joke stop shaking your head. you are bearing witness to the que for destinys. Yup thats about 300 horney 13-16 year olds queing against a wall …. all dressed head to toe in burbury sticking like a skunk of cheap perfume deodrant and aftershave stolen from there single mother parents.
Thats all for now Hope you enjoy reading about the misserys of my life and stay the hell clear of this infested hell hole……