Peterborough (Pee’a’burra)

CambridgeshireEast Anglia

Peterborough (or Pee’a’burra in Chav parlance) is a cathedral city best known for it’s passport office, rail links to the North and a semi-famous (not to mention extremely chavvy) football team manager – Barry Fry.

I’m shocked that Peterborough hasn’t yet been listed as a Chav town because I think it’s a worthy contender for a place in the top 10. Here’s why:

Peterborough boasts all of the trappings of every-day modern Chav culture which no doubt all of the other towns listed have… lots of chain chav shops and fast food outlets etc. But Peterborough has it’s own very special breed of chav which seasoned chav hunters refer to as “clones”. You know what I mean… Friday night, group of lads, all wearing “designer” white shirts, standard issue high street jeans and nicely polished buckle shoes for clabbin’ and of course the token chav hair-cut – spikey top, short sides and the retro-camp mullet to top off the look. Add a sovereign or two into the mix and bling’s your Unkle. All you need now is a prominent tribal tattoo and you’re good to go.

Peterborough chavs can be identified not only by their distinct look but by also their distinct behaviour. Smoking strong fags and textin’ is obviously essential, but beyond that, queuing seems to be a popular chav pastime. Check it out in your own home towns and cities… where there’s a queue, there’s a line of chavs, all wanting the same chavvy s**t. A classic example of this can be found at any lottery ticket retailer: “errr yeaaah… five lucky dips, 20 Bensons and some chewing gum mate”. Another corker which is common at this time of year is the old “yeah…we’re finkin’ about avin’ a barbeque” line – after a couple of hours of finkin’ the usual outcome is a visit to the golden arches for an ” ‘appy miuw” (Happy meal).

Finally, when the Peterborough chav is celebrating a special occassion then there’s only one option and that is to go out for a “miuw” (meal). Preference is given to Harvesters or Brewsters where the Peterborough chav feels comfortable in the knowledge that miuw diuws (meal deals), non-continental lager and fruit machines are readily available.

A visit to Peterborough is a must for any serious chav spotter – get it in the top 10 where it belongs.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019