Peterborough (or Pee’a’burra in C**v parlance) is a cathedral city best known for it’s passport office, rail links to the North and a semi-famous (not to mention extremely chavvy) football team manager – Barry Fry.
I’m shocked that Peterborough hasn’t yet been listed as a C**v town because I think it’s a worthy contender for a place in the top 10. Here’s why:
Peterborough boasts all of the trappings of every-day modern C**v culture which no doubt all of the other towns listed have… lots of chain c**v shops and fast food outlets etc. But Peterborough has it’s own very special breed of c**v which seasoned c**v hunters refer to as “clones”. You know what I mean… Friday night, group of lads, all wearing “designer” white shirts, standard issue high street jeans and nicely polished buckle shoes for clabbin’ and of course the token c**v hair-cut – spikey top, short sides and the retro-camp mullet to top off the look. Add a sovereign or two into the mix and bling’s your Unkle. All you need now is a prominent tribal tattoo and you’re good to go.
Peterborough c***s can be identified not only by their distinct look but by also their distinct behaviour. Smoking strong fags and textin’ is obviously essential, but beyond that, queuing seems to be a popular c**v pastime. Check it out in your own home towns and cities… where there’s a queue, there’s a line of c***s, all wanting the same chavvy s**t. A classic example of this can be found at any lottery ticket retailer: “errr yeaaah… five lucky dips, 20 Bensons and some chewing gum mate”. Another corker which is common at this time of year is the old “yeah…we’re finkin’ about avin’ a barbeque” line – after a couple of hours of finkin’ the usual outcome is a visit to the golden arches for an ” ‘appy miuw” (Happy meal).
Finally, when the Peterborough c**v is celebrating a special occassion then there’s only one option and that is to go out for a “miuw” (meal). Preference is given to Harvesters or Brewsters where the Peterborough c**v feels comfortable in the knowledge that miuw diuws (meal deals), non-continental lager and fruit machines are readily available.
A visit to Peterborough is a must for any serious c**v spotter – get it in the top 10 where it belongs.