Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in North London

To an outsider, the presumption of North London is of a good life involving rows upon rows of beautiful semi detached houses complimented by two or three brand new company cars on the drive with the occupants of the 1930’s properties all working hard for a living down the City of London. Sadly that’s just what it is,a presumption, when you talk about the dreary dump that is Palmers Green.

Situated between two shitholes (One being Enfield Town and the other being Wood Green), Palmers Green has gradually become a blot on the landscape. For an unknown reason, the whole of the mediterranean community in Britain has decided to make this little commuter town its home(And therefore Palmers Green turns logically to Palmers Greek!). Rows upon rows of multi colured Greengrocers, 24hr opening kebab shops, Cheapo jewellers (who give Elizabeth Duke a run for their money) and acropolis impersinating hairdressers attract, along with the usual chav magnets such as McDonalds, KFC, Burger King and the infamous The Fox Pub(5 murders in three years is a record even Baghdad would be proud of!), attracts all the down trodden chav skum living in Harringey, Tottenham, Edmonton and Sothgate to my little town and infest it with their local lingo (Dialect includes ‘Blad’, ‘My Bredrin’, ‘Do you want beef?’ (I prefer a ham sandwich with mayo really) and ‘Wots Guanin’) which us many human Palmers Green residents still strugle to understand. As well as their alien language, these sub-human characters also like to bring their quirky dress sense to the town which even Vivien Westward would be most proud of. With the ‘boys’ wearing their baseball caps at angles which defy even gravity, they fit snugly under their essential hooded tops. Underneath is the sleveless basketball top showing off their ‘muscles’ and the drop down jeans which also fit snugly but around their ankles this time and not around their waist which is the main purpose of the jean garment. But forgive these poor beings as they go to school at such highly academic institutes like Barnet College, Southgate College and Chase Community…they cant help being as thick as pig s**t! By reading the description of the chav girl in many other articles on here i would waste my time describing the typical ‘Palmers Green Totty’ because they all sound the same (All ugly slags). Because of all this, spotting a relatively normal looking person down Green Lanes is becoming a bit of a mission and a game can even be made out of it (Fun for all the family but make sure you dont get mugged by them!)!

Liking any other type of music or lifestyle round here parts that these characters dont agree with can get you into some serious bother as many have had the pleasure of finding out (Being stabbed, shot or even murdered is a pleasent commodity round here!). If your radio station aint tuned in to the local garage or hip-hop stations like Choice FM or Kiss 100 or you decide to wear a t-shirt showing your support to an unknown indie band, be prepared to put up with a load of abuse and to be ‘rushed’ (Another name for a beating apparantley). So if you do decide to visit my little town, please only come if its necessary as this town, as the saying from League of Gentlemen goes, is a local town for local people (or skum).

You have been warned!


  • Educated Fool

    “They can’t help being as thick as pig s**t”
    well you’ve really showed your intelligence by correctly spelling such complicated words such as scum, struggle, sleeveless, and impersonating. Oh wait no, no that wasn’t you. You also seem to have an intolerance to apostrophes 🙁
    “Sub-human” your hypocrisy makes me laugh.