Paddock Wood

KentSouth East

I would like to nominate Paddock Wood. You would be hard pressed to find a **** hole like this anywhere else in the country! The village is dominated by two things and two things only, the station (which reminds me of something out of Shindlers List with lots of depressed commuters waiting for there connection as if they were on there way to the concentration camps) and the Philips whirlpool factory which is (allegedly like*) a concentration camp, staffed mainly by (alleged*) outsiders (Few in paddock wood work they are either to old or lazy) these poor bastards have to run the gauntlet with the locals, who are just about as ****** as you get, throwing bricks off bridges at any outsider who dares to visit the town.

The locals can be divided thus:

A) The Old they make up around 45%

How grim is your Postcode?

B) Foolish, ignorant or misguided people who have moved to the area to take advantage of the
cheap housing 5%

C) Lazy Dole **** ***** 49%

D) Honest decent residents unfortunate enough to live in this hell hole 1%

Unfortunately the local authority decided it would be a prime site for a school, this has one of two effects on the local youth, it ether A) serves to drive teens (most notably children not native to Paddock wood but from many of the small picturesque villages nearby ) to the edge of reason from the ***** constant bullying thus robbing them of an education & life or B) as the majority are ***** it serves as a **** training camp, where they can perfect there disruptive skills, **** up non ***** and get there first taste of defying authourity (of course this all depends upon wether they can be bothered to turn up to School in the first place.

By night Paddock Wood descends into a suburb of Beirut, the old fear to venture out of there houses. ***** prowl the streets like hyenas hunting for there next meal, the old and young are at particular risk (Especially if they are notibly non *****) Roming gangs of 14 year old ***** hang out on the corners of the streets and stray dogs bark at passers by. The more mobile ***** drive around listening to thumping Drum N Bass yelling insults from there steel chariots and fighting out side the spar. I once new a resident of the place a real village idiot if ever there was one, he had several teeth punched out by a nova driving scaly, he saved the teeth and put them on a chain around his neck to remind him of the kicking he received, says it all really. This truly is scumsvill for some reason someone thought it would be a good idea to build a Waitros there…..It doesn’t see much local business all the other shops are ether Indian takeaways, Chippies, Dry Cleaners or the Spar and a very old Video rental shop that probably mainly deals with **** (allegedly*).
There are also a couple of pubs I’ve only ever been in one where I met a girl who told me she was a scaffolder. The locals propping up the bar in there looked at me as if I was a Alien I have never been back once was enough, these are the sorts of dives that you are lucky to come out of with all appendages working. There are two Churches but god knows why as there is little time for religion In paddock wood although most of its residents certainly need ether to be saved or burnt as witches, but the big windows are nice targets for a well aimed brick. Go there check it out but do so at your peril !!!!!!

* As some local journo has seen fit to kick up a stink about this article, I’ve had to make sure that it is fit for publication and to protect the writer. This article will not be removed from my site, far from it. The attention is has received has prompted me to keyword analyse the top ‘Paddock Wood’ hits on Google to ensure this article makes it to the first page of results! If you agree with the view of Paddock Wood expressed in this article, that’s ‘Paddock Wood’ one more time for the Google Index bot, then may I suggest that you use the Share and Enjoy links at the bottom of this page to send this article to your family and friends. The more external links this article has, the higher its ranking will be on Google. All I need to do now is to draw your attention to the legal disclaimer at the bottom of this page. Merry Christmas to all the readers of the Kent and Sussex Courier and all the residents of Paddock Wood (especially the local councillors and estate agents!) 14/12/2009 – Chavtowns Webmaster

… oh and a Happy New Year to Courier Journo Oliver Frankham, since we are naming names in articles!

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